getting closer to Pisgah

We are less than 3 weeks away!

I'm half frightened and half ecstatic.

Bought a new sleeping bag this weekend (fairly lightweight) and feeling like time is going quickly now.

My goals for the next couple of weeks are to mainly make sure I stay committed to training my body and to make sure I stay on top of school stuff. Currently, I have As in anything we've had graded work in... but so much will be known after the first round of exams... a couple of weeks yet.

In all, it was a pretty productive weekend. I got a lot of studying done and got some short but serious lifting in on Friday (only spent 25 minutes at the gym, I like to get in and out of there).

Up to my ears

At least it's anthropology and not recycling that's piled up around here!! (took the recycling to the drop off center yesterday)

Here's the update:

Archaeology- not too challenging so far. Easy in fact. I know a lot of this stuff already. I've been asking pertinent questions about the lecture material in class and Dr. Roos appears to know me and says hi when we see each other in the halls.

Bio Ant- well... I have a 100% so far on quizzes and 2 extra credit points added to the final total. Whew. John Trainor's personal research is of particular interest to me, especially now that I am eating (somewhat) differently; human diet and evolution.

Bio Ant Lab- My prof for this is such a sweetie, but she's a VERY ditzy one. The manual we're using isn't that great, but it's interesting. I just wish I had more of a bio background.

Methods- Prof is rather vauge and undetermined to influence our decisions, seems to be wanting to be accepting of whatever choices we make and uninvolved at the same time. The general consensus among the students is one of fear and insecurity re: lack of parameters for the big ethnographic projects we'll be pumping out. I met with him today and he was rather helpful (considering his in-class attitude), so I feel somewhat better about mine...

Linguistics- Dr. Smid thrilled me today when she tied primatology into the lesson. Love that a) it all comes full-circle in Anthro and, b) Everyone I'm surrounded by ALL WEEK LONG is passionate about the stuff that I'm passionate about.




So on a very different note- still prepping for the trip to NC. B brought over the pack I'll be using so I can start planning and weighing my gear.

I've been working out as usual, but started amping things up about a month ago, even before I decided to hike the Art Loeb Trail. I'm still doing a full body weights routine rather than splitting up the lower/upper stuff like some (most??) people do. I've gone up about 15% all around in how much I'm lifting, too. Still Eating Clean too, minus a single beer yesterday at a Labor Day BBQ and minus a Subway sandwich- chicken and veggies on wheat bread, no mayo, today (forgot my food at home, doh!). The bread or chicken is giving me a bit of a stomach ache though. I haven't had bread in... oh I don't know, 2 months?? Ugh. No more.

Anyways, I do expect to find that my bf % has dropped when Megan evaluates me this week... I'm pretty excited to see where I'm at, but also pretty nervous.


I'm naturally concerned about food during the trip. I know how much protein I need for my active life (between 10 and 20 grams per meal, 5-6 meals a day) and I know I need lots of good carbs. But they HAVE to be lightweight and shelf stable too. Hmmm...

The Mission: Break All Comfortable Boundaries

In a month, I'll be heading out to Pisgah National Forest for a hiking trip that promises to obliterate all of my senses in a barrage of arboreal splendor. And don't forget knocking me out of my comfort zone!

The hike is 31 miles, mostly very steep, primitive, and I'll be packing everything in and out. To complete the hike, I have to make 10 miles per day, which would be no great concern if it wasn't for the altitude and terrain.

Thankfully, I've been getting in a lot of strength training so I feel better than I have all year.

Hellooo there. Remember me?

This past week was really great and challenging...

- At the last minute before school started back up, I rearranged my bedroom, hung a white paper globe lantern, put together a bookshelf from Ikea (Yep, Justin, I ended up getting something particle board after all. Sheesh). Carried a sofa downstairs BY MYSELF and got everything 100% nice and tidy up there. If you know me, you know what a feat of heroic proportions this must have been.

- I prepared lots of Clean food, packed them in little containers (some frozen, some just refrigerated) before the week started so I could go back to school with a fully automated morning routine. Grab and go. Delicious.


- Monday morning Archaeology class was cool, and my prof looks JUST LIKE JOHNNY DEPP. It's a full class (50 students?), and lots of anthro majors in there. Many of them seem to be getting into archaeology too. Awesome to have the chance to spend time with people who share my passions.

- Parking at USF is an all out nightmare, even though I paid nearly $200 for the privilege.

- The drive there from here seems to take about an hour or so in the mornings. Parking there takes about 40 minutes. Coming home takes 40-45 minutes.


- Tuesday I had tea with B.W. in Tampa. We're going to meet up for Scrabble sometime in the next couple of weeks. He's studying for the GRE and promised to give me a run for my money.

- After that, was Methods in Cultural Research, BioAnt, and Anthro Linguistics (all Tues/Thurs classes). All of them completely magical in their own ways. Going to be a lot of reading though, upwards of 12 hours per week outside of class.

- Wednesday: Archaeology, then BioAnt Lab

- I hit up the yoga class on campus after Linguistics yesterday (Thurs) and it was awesome. Very challenging and just what I needed after being cooped up in the driver's seat all week. Then Charles, Amy, and Aves came over to my house and we drank wine, celebrated Charles' new United Nations job, and just enjoyed being together!

Layin' Low

I've been getting things in order here, waiting for the (inevitable?) maelstrom that comes with a full time and then some course load.

Did I tell you that GPAs start anew when you transfer in to USF? I know!!!

I can have a 4.0 :D

I applied for a pretty decent sounding job today, but if I get it, I'll have to drop down to full time status, instead of full time plus. Which is fine. Whatever. If I get it, cool. If not, hopefully the person who does needs it more than I do.


But I'm just at home alone today, listening to music, cleaning, menu planning (healthy eating doesn't just HAPPEN. you have to make it work), and still more cleaning. No gym today. Bike ride, instead...

if everything goes according to plans...

I'll be in Pensacola all of next week screening for artifacts and working in the archaeo lab.

Tremendously excited, but I feel like there are a million factors in play and afraid to let myself be sure it will work.

Between then and now, I'll just keep on staying busy... going to the free kiddo movies at Largo 8 tomorrow, still working out like crazy, finishing Infinite Jest (I'm in the last 50 pages or so now), going to see Otello (opera film) on Wednesday night in Tampa, and there are a few other things this week but I can't really focus right now.

a personal victory, ordinary run of the mill moments of clarity, & a startling IJ revelatory moment

This morning, I jumped out of bed (ok, what really happened was that I cheerily responded "Hello!" to a text that woke me up instead of the more typical "argh. do I know you?" See why for me that constitutes jumping out of bed?)ready to face my day and head to the beach.

I put on my bathing suit and checked my midrange sideways view in the small mirror of my jewelery box... and... kinda flattish tummy area. I mean, not flat flat. Not like before kids. Not like Matt V's prescribed "rock star lean abs" but people- in the past few weeks alone I have enjoyed cake and milk, several pints of beer and a hot dog, a sushi feast, more beer, ice cream with Reese's peanut butter cups smashed in for good measure, and arepas with cheese. [I also have had countless meals made solely of vegetable matter and have stopped using cream/sugar. I've worked pretty hard, in spite of the stuff I listed above (hitting the gym, riding my bike, and so on), so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised, it was just a startling moment.]

In that tiny little mirror, for about an hour, I just didn't look completely pregnant. And then I had an apple for breakfast.


Also- moment of clarity for me: I don't know how to flirt anymore. Uhhh. Ok, now what? Dang.


Thirdly, for the IJ readers out there: I read a DFW quote yesterday re: the use of endnotes vs footnotes. He and his editor needed a way to shorten the original draft of the book so they hit upon the idea of weeding out some information into notes. The editor thought it would be more reader-friendly to use footnotes instead of endnotes but DFW said that the use of endnotes "cutely mimics some of the story’s thematic concerns"...

In case you don't follow, what happens when you flip to the back and then back to your page and then back to the back and then back to your page? What are you reminded of? (Answer is a good tennis rally)

Then I was ruminating on how the whole narrative seems to be a tennis rally of sorts, bouncing balls off of different topics and they keep on coming with a sick speed. And then, like that, I knew what those orbs are in the book, marking various sections... And it was so obvious (not the moon or the sun or simply just a pretty, lightly shaded circle). They are tennis balls, flying through the book. Fwap. fwap. fwap. fwap.

I know I just posted my thoughts on Infinite Jest,,,

I couldn't decide if that should be followed by "but" or "so".

I know I just posted my thoughts on Infinite Jest, BUT I did a lot more reading and I have some thoughts and questions.

1) I felt funny about the chronology; years are labelled in a strange way (for example, The Year of the Trial Sized Dove Bar) and I wasn't sure WHEN things were happening. It was getting disorienting. I decided to trust Wallace as I had been instructed to, and when I got to endnote #24 it had worked itself out. Because Endnote #24 sort of lays out the (INSANELY LONG) chronology of James Incandenza's film-making history and uses the weird year labels.

2) Endnote #39, part a is freaking hilarious. Ha! "Les Assassins des Fauteuils Rollents, a.k.a. Wheelchair Assassins, pretty much Quebec's most dreaded [...] terrorist cell".


3) The similarities between IJ and The Royal Tenenbaums seems to be coincidental.

I will tell you about other things, too.

1) I'm still mostly eating crazy-healthy. I have re-introduced more variety, but still being pretty restrictive for the sake of getting fit and I think (fingers crossed) I'm making some progress. For fuck's sake, I hope I'm making progress.

2) One of the two hens got out when Conner was putting fresh water inside the coop the other day (or so I hear) and Sugar chased the poor thing for hours. It hid under Harry's house for the night and hasn't laid an egg since the ordeal.

3) Sewing a LOT. A lot of diaper covers. Hey- need any diaper covers??

the kind of blog post I said I'd never write

So, I've been absent from my blog. Part of it, I guess is that I've been using twitter, which makes me feel lazzzzy for large-scale blogging.

And I'm in a bit of a funk. This is the very tail end of day 4 (really?) of an all produce diet I'm trying. It's possibly the ease-in-phase for a fast (a la cousin Alicia), but it's possible that I'll just go back to my normal healthy-ish ways and give up the extremity soon.

It's hard to say. I'm having a hard time remembering WHY I started down this path some of the time, and other moments it's fine. No extreme hunger yet. Just some moping over the unnecessarily odoriferous homemade blueberry pie in my fridge that I can't even sniff at lest I devour it, and the containers of fresh baked brownie that are stored behind cabinet doors now, because they mocked me all fucking afternoon. Thanks for bringing those brownies by, Sam.

So instead of my normal fare (lots of protein, whole grains, veggies, supplemented by plenty of junk like bagels, brownies, and chicken wings), I am eating produce. Only produce.

I started off doing just raw stuff but a certain craving hit and I needed hot veggies, so I went ahead and changed the parameters for myself.

And, so far so good. I guess. I mean, I guess the GOAL is to deconstruct reality and rebuild it. I have to unravel in order to reravel, etc etc so I guess going nuts is the desired effect?? I want to "clear my mind" and spend this time NOT eating "figuring myself out". Oh yeah, and resetting my palate.


And I'm not just off meat/diary (and in the next couple of days, all food in general)... I'm off men for a good while too. I think I need to figure a lot of things out.

and because comfort reading tends to be done with a snack in tow...

I'm also re-committing myself to getting back to the gym and in better shape.

Not that I've gained a ton of weight or anything, maybe just a few pounds in the past month or so, but I feel like improving my cardiovascular health has been on the back burner. And I don't see the same muscular definition that i saw a few months ago. I guess this means no more afternoon chocolate bars? No more late night snacks when I'm already full? No more carb laden breakfasts?

Harry's off to Los Angeles

In a little while, I'm driving him to the dojo where he's meeting up with the guys. They're going to "roll" for a little while (their slang for grapple), and then head over to Palito's, and go.

Last time Harry went to L.A. for the Pan Am's, we had a fire begin spontaneously in our shed. It was terrifying to be home with the kids and to step outside and see our backyard ENGULFED in fire.

He also had only recently gotten his blue belt, so the competition was fierce.

This time, he's a mature blue belt and has really whipped himself into killer shape.
I'm feeling really proud right now, since I pretty much was the one who got him eating healthy and going to classes there at the Gracie Barra school.


That's my ex-husband for ya.

F*#K!!!

Argh, I'm annoying MYSELF so bad right now, so I figured I should come over and annoy you too.

I should be fine, I should feel f--king fine. EVERYTHING IS F--KING FINE.

There is nothing wrong, but my anxiety is through the roof today. I saw a terrible movie that gave me a stupid panic attack, and I now want to strangle the people who made that movie.

My Day


I rode my bike to work, which is exercise AND got me fresh air and sunlight. Don't I always say those things are key to good mental health? [And just who the hell do I think I am? Dr. Frasier Crane??]

Mr. Short gave me my exam from last week... 104%. Highest score in the class. Again.

After work, I went to the grocery store and the gym. I had a pretty great circuit training workout, and due to the huge mirrors everywhere, I noticed my ass looks HOT from all the cycling I've been doing. Thought about my boyfriend a bit. Think he likes my butt, too.

I oversaw the doing of homework and nightly reading. I got the kids in bed.

I get to borrow my mom's car tomorrow night, which means I am not stranded here on my kid-free night; I can actually GO OUT! Woo!

Ok, so considering my day (not too bad, except that my job is a sham)... what's wrong with my brain? Or the chemistry therein, rather. You know what I mean.

I don't know. Maybe everything IS wrong? Maybe nobody can be trusted and the world is full of scheming liars and wars and bad economies, even though there are probably enough resources for everyone?


THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AND I THINK I WANT MEDICATION.

I rode 10 miles this afternoon/evening

... and the brakes on my bike sound a little, um, rebellious.

In order to prepare for Monday, I wanted to test out my route, but I didn't want to go to SPC for nothing (I am goal-oriented, I guess). I decided to ride to Borders at Clearwater Mall. I figured it's past my school, but just down the street, so I could plot out my route for school, time myself, and then read for a little while.

It was pretty easy.

I feel slightly compelled to take a pair for shears with me next time. Not that I don't love branches in my teeth, I just want to multitask and do a little gardening with my neighbors.

Diurnal-Girl, here

And I am feeling a little sleepy.

Probably because I have been kicking ass this weekend with housework, homework, and the gym. I'm back to the pre-vacation rhythm of going 5 days a week, but I actually wasn't a slug w/ my cardio, today. You know how you are 'supposed' to mix it up if you want to challange yourself? I did; instead of running or getting on the elliptical machine I used a bike and it was a nice workout. I feel healthy, and discovered that I can make it farther than I previously thought.

From now on, riding to school...

singing along with the Beatles, because this isn't depressing at ALL>

I'm feeling sort of mellow, in a dark and mellow kind of way.



It's not that there aren't PLENTY of things to do on a rainy day. But the list of things to do shrinks dramatically when you require that they also be FUN and FREE. Because I am super broke and waiting for the Pell check (yes, again).

So while I'm waiting for the sun, I guess I'll listen to itunes, wash dishes, do my trig homework, and then go to the gym. I convinced my mom to go with me! I can't wait.

And the dead hamster's cage needs a cleaning, too. Wheee!

Actually, Helen and I have Frida checked out from the library right now...there's an idea for when she gets home from work later tonight. But, right now I'm just not very interested in it. Maybe because of the hype for a long weekend, you get left feeling disillusioned or cheated or something.

Don't people do cookouts in other parts of the country?

Oh! the rain!


[tell me to stop bitching! I was downtown at a WMNF jazz party just last night, and then hanging out with friends]


The other day, we were discussing whether or not we should go ahead and devour the storm supply in the pantry when Helen pointed out to me that we are "only into the G's and H's" as far as storms go.

So, consider for you listening pleasure, Octopus's Garden. It's on Abbey Road, but you knew that.


I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus' garden in the shade
He'd let us in, knows where we've been
In his octopus' garden in the shade...

We would be warm below the storm
In our little hideaway beneath the waves
Resting our head on the sea bed
In an octopus' garden near a cave

apparently I DO need to make myself scarcer

How do YOU handle it when someone tells you you are fat(ish)?

Well, in our culture (and I´m including you because I blindly assume you are American, haven´t slightest clue who reads this blog) it´s very personal, and rude to bring something like that up, unless you are inquiring after someone´s actual health and wellbeing, right?

I mean, I can bitch to my friends about my BMI, but unsolicited (negative) comments about my appearance... Ay!

We can assume it´s a cultural difference.


My general formula for wellbeing is to work out, feel great, and eat what I want, within reason (I drink beer, eat dessert, etc... in balance with really healthy stuff). I broke the habit of stress eating last year. I picked it back up at my grandma´s house two weeks ago, right around the same time my grandma said I should get lipo.

So, anyways, my sexy Barbie-doll aunt, yes, the mother of two sporty teenage boys, who doesn´t eat much because she has special pills to combat hunger is watching me very closely, breakfast and lunch (no dinner, or alcohol, served in this house).

What is this; fat camp? sigh.
I want my gym. I want my hamster. I want a mixed drink, and bad.

WTH is wrong with me sometimes?

We are in the last week or so of being around. In town. In the States, even.

I have no flippin clue what I'm actually taking with me (other than the kiddos, lol), just NO CLUE.

Last night, when my roommate asked, "Oh, what day of the week is it that you guys are leaving?" I drew a blank. With no certainty about my own plans, all I could say was that the 15th IS a Wednesday. My other friend piped in and corrected me... because apparently Wednesday is the 16th. Um, yeah. I have no clue.

But, in my defense, I know when I am leaving FROM Miami to Colombia. I know we are leaving on the 18th of July FROM Miami. And the world is not going to end if I decide to go to Miami on the 15th instead of the 16th, but actually, the 16th is sounding pretty good to me right now anyways ;-)

And guess who figured out that I can save a bunch of money if I take a train to Miami?? And that it takes as long as driving somewhere?

Oh, yeah, that's right! It was the smart-ass friend, lol.

Basically, there is nothing technically barring the trip from happening at this point. The expedited passports are in my hot little hands.

I just need to buy those train tickets and figure out how to work financial magic for the month of August. Otherwise, I will just be really destitute upon my return. As in, more than usual.

Oh, also, totally unrelated, but I am just very proud... I DOUBLED my time on the elliptical trainer yesterday. I have worked very hard to get past 5, 6, and 10 mins on that object of torture, however yesterday evening I did an easy set of 12 minutes, got some water, and then got back on to do 16 more minutes. Followed by the most awesome circuit training ever.

weekend warrior?? um, no.

Ahhh. The most taxing thing I've had to do yet today was try and remember my paypal password so I could pay for this rediculously cheap dress that I won (99 cents). Cute, huh? Hope it doesn't end up being really awful.

It's going on the trip with me, to the land of perfect weather and waterfalls and salsa dancing. I hear Colombia is exceedingly sexy and style-concious, and I'm suiting up, oh yessiree. Well, sort of.

How much tattoo to keep covered while I'm out and about there has also been on my mind. My abuelita's really cool, but I don't want to embarrass them, so I'll try to bring a flexible wardrobe.


Anyways. The kids are at a birthday party with Harry now. I should probably go be productive... I have some stuff I need to be doing, now that it's well into the afternoon. I don't really believe in getting up and out of the house early. Especially not on the weekends, if it can be helped.

Clearly, Friday was a fluke. Although I felt like I had been let into some secret society where McDonalds really does serve breakfast items (like they say on the radio!), it caught up with me. I don't know if I'm ready to trade in my owlish ways yet.

Besides, McDonalds gives always me a bad stomach ache.

My plan for the day:

The gym. I skipped W/Th/F because of work, so that's probably why I was depressed yesterday. I get silly-happy from all those endorphins.

Sewing? That one is a maybe. The other new dress, the one I'm making, is about half way finished.

Do laundry (I have coins already, and that's half the battle).

Buy some groceries.