a few days away from all out insanity? nahhhh

"Everything will be ok, everything will be fine..." I chanted to myself as I lay huddled on the floor between the kitchen and living room.

My kids were playing upstairs, I could hear them, so I let myself just wallow for a bit, not wanting them to see me upset and knowing they would make plenty of noise coming down the stairs. At least the "everything will be ok" motivational speech was an improvement. Minutes before I was crying out that I just couldn't take it anymore.

"It" being the constant cooking and cleaning (and scrubbing, on hands and knees), over and over, with no appreciation.

First, I was making lunch. Fresh fish. My mom's recipe for red snapper; a tomato, onion, and garlic sauce. The kids had just informed me that they weren't going to eat fish (even though at the grocery store, 24 hours earlier, I asked them if they wanted some fish this week and they said YES) and then they ran upstairs to play, when I splattered red sauce all over my brand new white wrap style blouse. And then, I took to the floor, fetal-style.

Once I got up there was a blur of activity. Helen and I nearly ripped the shirt off of me as I poured ginger ale on it, and then I got out some of the spray-on stuff she has around that is miraculously formulated.

White blouse was saved.

But what about my mental health? Seriously. I'm in a bind here.

This is the situation- I have been eating mostly clean un-processed foods with the exception of some beer and a tortilla at Brian's house a few weeks ago, and a little Greek dressing on a salad I had at Ikea yesterday (origin of the dressing unknown). And this kind of eating takes more work than eating just whatever. And I honestly need to eat every 3 hours.

Planning, shopping, washing prep stuff, etc. Now, with school starting again, I have to really be on the ball, but time will be a big factor.

Now, I love my roommate, you know that. She is as important to me as my own family. And I want what's best for her, and I'd love it if she cut out fast and highly processed foods... but she's not capable of doing it for herself and I just can't do it all! I can't do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning for both of us to eat clean, and I feel terribly guilty to do it just for myself... that seems so selfish.

So I don't know what to do. Can I just lay on the floor and moan a bit more? Can I have a snack? I'm starving already.

the kind of blog post I said I'd never write

So, I've been absent from my blog. Part of it, I guess is that I've been using twitter, which makes me feel lazzzzy for large-scale blogging.

And I'm in a bit of a funk. This is the very tail end of day 4 (really?) of an all produce diet I'm trying. It's possibly the ease-in-phase for a fast (a la cousin Alicia), but it's possible that I'll just go back to my normal healthy-ish ways and give up the extremity soon.

It's hard to say. I'm having a hard time remembering WHY I started down this path some of the time, and other moments it's fine. No extreme hunger yet. Just some moping over the unnecessarily odoriferous homemade blueberry pie in my fridge that I can't even sniff at lest I devour it, and the containers of fresh baked brownie that are stored behind cabinet doors now, because they mocked me all fucking afternoon. Thanks for bringing those brownies by, Sam.

So instead of my normal fare (lots of protein, whole grains, veggies, supplemented by plenty of junk like bagels, brownies, and chicken wings), I am eating produce. Only produce.

I started off doing just raw stuff but a certain craving hit and I needed hot veggies, so I went ahead and changed the parameters for myself.

And, so far so good. I guess. I mean, I guess the GOAL is to deconstruct reality and rebuild it. I have to unravel in order to reravel, etc etc so I guess going nuts is the desired effect?? I want to "clear my mind" and spend this time NOT eating "figuring myself out". Oh yeah, and resetting my palate.


And I'm not just off meat/diary (and in the next couple of days, all food in general)... I'm off men for a good while too. I think I need to figure a lot of things out.

experimental cookie update

Little pats of butter, and Conner peeking over the edge of the table...



Food processor, which just blended chickpeas and a few tablespoons of cream.



Oatmeal cookies!



So, Harry arrived just as these were coming out of the oven. He likes healthy food, and even bakes birthday cakes for the kids with low amounts of sugar. We figured he was a good candidate to taste test these.

We asked him to identify the "secret ingredient" and he identified the oatmeal and bananas right away, guessed coconut next!

Thanks for the tip, Amy!!

I don't know how to explain this

Something is going on with me.

I've had The Golden Touch in the kitchen for the past two weeks- nothing ruined, burnt, dropped, or chipped. Pretty amazing considering how clumsy I can be sometimes.


My house is clean. Well, the downstairs is, anyways.


I've COMPLETED two knitting projects in three weeks.


My intuition feels really strong right now. And my sense of smell is out of this world.


I've written more pages in my novel (apparently I'm writing a novel) this week than I have all year.


Oh, and I'm making a modern art mobile, just because I HAVE to. Helen asked me about my inspiration, and I literally had no answer, it was just something I needed to do.


Plus, it's been nearly a week since I did my nails and I haven't chipped any of the polish.

If this is what happens when someone you love f--k's you over big time, then bring it on. My perspective on this isn't just seeing the silver lining in the situation... I really know things are better this way! Woo!

the nutrient dense shopping trip (and other things that keep us going)

1 onion
2 green bell peppers
1 red bell pepper
some tomatoes, still on the vine
8 oz mushrooms
1 lb of broccoli
1 avocado
1 apple
2 lbs of bananas
cranberries
orange juice


garbanzo beans
black beans
a dozen free range (ethical!) eggs
2 lbs of beef for soup


plain yogurt
fruit flavored yogurt for the kids


cornmeal
brown rice
slow cooking oats
barley


1 bottle of white wine




Although I often forget them, I have discovered some other things, besides eating well, that I know are essential to my well being.

First and foremost are those (obvious) basics I've mentioned before; plenty of sunlight, fresh air, exercise, personal space, and PLENTY of time to relax. To those who would suggest that working a 40-hour-work-week, day in and day out, is even remotely sane I say "Mon Dieu! What do you think life is all about, anyways?"

the sound of me blowing my proverbial horn

Does this reflect more on my all encompassing laziness or my womanly ingenuity?


I migrated from watching the presidential debate/instant-messaging to the kitchen, to make the kids lunches for school tommorrow.

[You know that I consider the 'Lunchable' the bane of humanity, and Easy Mac is pretty much holding second place (sorry Helen!!! You know I love you, though, even if you do like Easy Mac). So my kids get other things.

Fish. Lentils and rice. Wheat bread with home-made hummus (it seriously takes just a few minutes). Pasta with chicken and broccoli. Fruit. Cheese ommelettes. Old fashioned popcorn.

I have even sent slices of french toast before.]

So, anyways, I wander into the kitchen and discover... my pickin's have grown slim. I have all the ingredients I need for several decent dinners, and some other little odds and ends (ie: 2 eggs, sunflower seeds, a jar of pickled peppers, and unsweetened chocolate). Ah, THAT's RIGHT! I had intended to make PB and Jam's for their lunches, I remembered.

Out of jam.

Faced with the awful possibility of getting out of pj's at 11 pm and heading to the grocery store, I decided to just MAKE some JAM from the strawberries I had in the freezer. I feel like a super-mum right now.

Ooh, and, yesterday, the kids and I actually had a civilized breakfast; pear and custard tart (plus coffee for me). A tart? Yes, a tart. A la the 14th century, or something. Thanks, Marie, for reminding me to PUT DOWN THE BREAKFAST CEREAL, at least this once.




So, since you're dying to know, here you go:

My invented custard recipe is VERY simple. 3 egg yolks, some whole milk, vanilla & sugar to taste poured in a pie crust and topped with thinly sliced fruit, bake at 350* for 30-35 min, serve to happy children, or spouse, if you are lucky enough or so inclined.

on the good ole bandwagon

I've SO enjoyed reading these thematic posts at my friend's blogs for some time now. I'm finally joining in. The current Works For Me Wednesday topic is easy and delicious recipes- with just five ingredients, or less.

Let me tell you, this is my arena. Some people are musical (like my roommate), or mechanically minded, or really good at getting up early and making lots of money.

Me? I can grocery shop on a dollhouse-sized budget and make simple, healthy meals.
I first developed these skills as a house-wife/stay@home mom (when Harry and I first got together, I knew how to cook one thing, literally), but I honed these skills last year, when I was poorer than ever, newly single, and utterly determined to make things work out.


Arepas Con Queso

-2 cups hot water
-salt, to taste (1/3 teaspoon??)
-a teaspoon of oil
-PAN brand extra fine WHITE cornmeal (I don't know how much exactly, I'm guessing I use 1 1/4 cups) You can find this product in the Spanish section of most grocery stores.

-4 oz mozzarella, in small slices

Mix the first four ingredients together (yes, with your hands) until it feels like you could use it for playdough. If it's too dry, add a drizzle of water. If it's too slippery to make little cakes out of, add a tiny bit more cornmeal.

What you want to do is have the mozzarella ready to go, beside you, before you start messing with the dough. Streamlines the whole thing.

Make a skinny cake about the size of your palm, put some cheese in there, and add more of the dough on top. Smooth the edges, round it out, flatten as you go.

Cook in a pan on medium-low with a little bit of oil in it to keep them from sticking. The outsides will get crispy and change color a bit, when ready. Some of the melted cheese will sneak out. Yum.

makes 3-4 servings, cost per serving 75 cents.



No Additional Effort Lentils and Rice

-1 package of dry, seasoned rice. I like to use the 'wild rice' one, but if it will freak your kids or roommates out, use something less awesome.
-water and oil (I like olive oil), per package instructions plus an extra 1/2 cup water.
-a generous handful of dry lentils.
-crushed garlic. I use the real thing, but after a long day, jarred is fine.

What I do is boil the lentils with the water and oil for 5 or 6 minutes before I add the package of rice and seasonings. Them by the time the rice is done, the lentils will be, too. You might want an additional sprinkle of salt and pepper in there, also. It's up to you.

makes 4-5 servings, cost per serving 75 cents



Variations on a Theme- HealthNut Pancakes

-some kind of healthy pancake mix (whole wheat, buckwheat, whatever)

-the recipe on the box usually calls for 1 egg, some oil, and a little milk*.

1/2 cup of trail mix (use whatever's handy, but I like sunflower seeds, nuts, raisins, and CANDY). Pulse it in a food processor to chop it up, blend it in a blender, or put it in a ziploc bag and crush it with a saucepan. [I know, I'm sort of cheating here, because there's more than one ingred. in trail mix...]

makes 4 servings, cost per serving... you guessed it, right around 75 cents


*Note: instead of milk, I like to substitute WHATEVER I have on hand that will work. Seriously. I have no spouse, so I can't just be all, like, "Honey, the kids are asleep. I'm running to Albertson's for milk!"

Here are some funny things I have used in pancakes for milk, based on what was available;

leftover Wendy's Frosty (found it in the freezer. finders keepers)
plain yogurt and a dab of honey
ricotta cheese mixed with water
soymilk (I know... not that exciting)
pudding mix
and powdered chai mix, mixed with water.