the achy breaky feeling

Oh my gosh, I'm serious, I just want to stick my fingers into my thoracic cavity and put my cartilage and/or rib back where it needs to be!

I went ice skating late last Saturday night with Brennan (to break up the monotony of paper-writing all day and night) and the Zamboni wasn't run at all for some reason. We agree that the ice was choppier than it should have been and I'm not just a total klutz. Seriously, I'm not actually bad on skates.

Anyways. I played it cool, toughed it out. It hurt a lot but we skated for another hour before I had to call it a night.

Sunday morning I woke up to the sound of myself screaming (yes, they were obscenities, I am ashamed) and then dosed myself with ibuprofen and got ready for church/garden club fundraising.

The fundraiser went well! Very exciting, can't wait to break ground and get dirty.

And Helen and I are going to Tally for the holiday to see Poppa and Lolita, yay.

Also, Conner was just in a Thanksgiving show and he was basically the STAR of the show. Well, he had one line to memorize- They met the natives, and shook their hands!- but only 4 kids in the whole PreK were asked to memorize a line. I am so proud.

And Coral is just blossoming. Ever-lovely and precious and working really hard on bringing up her reading/writing grades.

AND I lived through the hardest week of school ever :) and I have all A's.

And now I'm dating the cutest boy ever. Go me!

I think I have my faculties back (& FYI neurotoxins suck and I am officially too old for this kind of thing)

It's been a week since the neurotoxins entered my body and I'm getting back to normality. The paralysis in my right hand is a lot better, so that I can do everything (well, nearly everything) that I'm accustomed to.

During the first few days I experienced imbalance while walking, temperature regulation issues, weakness, and dehydration, but mental fogginess was the most annoying symptom of the ciguatera. I had this vague sense of deep loss and it was really depressing (depression, another supposed symptom). Having discussions with my friends, typing/using the internet, dressing myself, cooking/housework, and just any kind of making sense at all were all REALLY difficult for a few days. But we've all pitched in concerted efforts to make sure I will regain whatever part of my brain was destroyed.

Since the poisoning, I've taught myself to drive my new manual transmission car, have been going to the beach, reading a lot, exercising, and playing scrabble almost daily. If this is rehabilitation, I think I like it.

But this whole thing is sort of ironic and sad. I, of all people, champion the deliciousness of all the little creatures of the sea. I am a huge sushi fan (yes, the raw kind). Eel, squid, octopus, mussels, and conch all sound like dinner to me, every day of the week. And now I am supposed to abstain from seafood (as well as caffeine, nuts, and alcohol) for a few months, to ensure that I don't have a resurgence of cigua-terror.

But you know what I think? A life without seafood (or coffee, nuts, and liquor) is a life hardly worth living.

update

Everyone arrived to where they were going early today.

Weird thing is, I didn't wake up any earlier than I usually do. And I didn't have clothes already picked out, however everything was clean, folded, and put away. I have no idea what made the difference, but I did keep on them from one activity to the next, with no yelling.

Self medicating. The Rx: one tent, some water, stars

Although life is good, I was feeling stressed out this afternoon.

It's probably because of a stupid issue that popped up with the kids' dad, normal financial problems (still waiting on this semester's Pell grant), pressure to finish a few custom diaper orders but not really feeling the drive to work on them, and just some general uncertainty.

So anyways, just now, while we were discussing living a balanced life my roommate told me a story about something that happened at the Mesa Link up last night.

To make a long story short, it was advised to someone who was dealing with some personal imbalance to make a point of getting fresh air and reconnecting with nature, each and every day. That is a very common sense thing to say, when someone needs to de-stress, but I think maybe it's SO common-sense-ical that we all tend to forget those needs sometimes.

I'm not doing badly in that department; I've been getting lot's of exercise since I got home from Colombia, and much of it has been outdoors.

Plus, a few years ago I developed a habit (that has really stuck with me) of staring at the sky or at tree branches as a way of processing extreme stress. I go to the beach (though I haven't lately) to swim and reconnect. But that all just seems like mental health maintenance.

So, as Helen told me what the shaman's advice to our friend was, I jumped out of my seat, having an epiphany.

I'm going camping. Yes, right now.

Ha ha ha... self-important-dribble into self-deprecating-slush

I'm sitting here thinking about what makes the wheels turn inside of us. Not everyone has the same taste, you know?

Nature is a big deal for me, personally. I "ooh" and "ah" over leaves. No, I take that back, not over leaves... but their textures and varigations. And how the light reflects off of them, and even the way they decompose.

Not to mention sky and water and all those other things.

There is so much that gets to the center of me, that makes me catch my breath, but what I think I really want for once (and maybe this is what I thought I was getting with "he who shall not be named") is:

to actually BE inspiring


I first typed: to be someone's muse, for maybe one decent project

and then deleted that, because it sounded really pretentious, but I figured, what the heck, the rest of this does, too.


Ok, but here's the issue; while I know that all living things fall under that catagory of "natural things" (which is, incidentally, why YOU are so interesting to ME), I don't know anyone who is taking applications for muses at the present moment.

And, I feel like I'm sorta ordinary (in a weird, wierd, wierd way). I don't know if that makes sense? But that's exactly what I feel my resume for such a position would say!

Works well under moonlight.

Does not find self overly exotic, yet looks the part.

Has a penchant for sitting still for long periods of time.