um.. my research

I'm about to give a presentation on my research.

Feeling like there just wasn't enough time to get as deep as I would have liked, but today's the day so here I go!

My powerpoint is bright and informative. Not just slide after slide of the same stuff I've already said, and I definitely KNOW the topic inside and out.

I have been studying human birth for several years now, and consider myself a bit of an amateur-expert on the subject :D so my Q & A session after the presentation should be no problem, I'm just concerned about MY RESEARCH. I'm not sure I know the in's and out's of my interviews well enough to present it cohesively.

OK!! Have to DO THIS.

Did I mention that I'm teaching a historical fiber arts course? to kids?

I'm going to have to make a dozen lap looms, drag my my spinning wheel out of Harry's attic, and give it a tune up. Also need to purchase some rovings, some yarn, tapestry needles, and needle threaders. If I'm really adventurous I'll make an extra drop spindle or buy some. Oh, and I need to put together an expense list for my employer.

Then I have to make my power point presentations (one on the history of fiber usage, one that is a pictorial dictionary of technical terms, and one on modern fiber arts), quizzes, and take home handouts.

I keep wanting to get in the zone for this work, but when I start to get going it's unfailingly when I'm obligated/expected to be doing something else. And when I have plenty of unstructured time, there's not too much drive on my part to work on THIS.

OK, later, tonight. It's going to happen. Unless I get side tracked or sleepy or something.

I can write a helluva self promoting email

Just applied (by email) for an administrative assistant type job which I actually think I would find enjoyable and fulfilling. And it's in Clearwater, too.

And I'm qualified and "come highly recommended!" Oh crap. I hope I spelled "recommended" correctly in the email...

wrestling with myself (just skip this post, it's lame)

-Working on my class plans and also avoiding finishing them. I'm terrified of rejection because the job isn't officially mine yet (nothing's official till there's a check in hand), but the orientation gave me a really good sense that it IS mine. Tricky rock/hard place kind of paradox here. Feel like I HAVE the job, so I'm less motivated to win it. Fear that I haven't got a chance, so I'm afraid to hear the final verdict.


-Had coffee and a free Rays donut for "breakfast" today because I've been eating so healthily otherwise (minus some carrot cake the other night, but I seriously couldn't say no to that). And the donut produced a nearly instant stomachache! Turns out you can't go healthy and then have a donut in the morning. Cake at night is fine, apparently, but the morning is not?



At least my kids are happy. They're sewing at the kitchen table and got to go to the movie theater for free today (wherein they ate the free donuts mentioned above).

I stand in awe of this man (and his project)

At SPC, I had a really really great boss.

(So great, I'd rather answer a phone by chirping "Mr. Hemme's office, how can I help you?" than any other way.)

And not only did he manage the (surprisingly tumultuous) Math and Science Departments with calm fairness and a steady hand, he carried a dream inside of him like a tiny lit coal.

Ok, maybe that seems like too much fluff, but we are talking about a middle aged man with a wife, house, career, bills, cars, a son in college, "responsibilities", and all the other trappings of life in the USA. And he IS LIVING HIS DREAM: TO RIDE HIS BICYCLE ACROSS THE NATION. Yes, instead of watching cable.

And I hear so many people muse about what they would do if only...

fortune cookies

Hullo, just sitting here at work but I wanted to share this with you. I just got the most appropos fortune in my cookie:


"It's not the plan that is important, it's the planning"


That's EXACTLY right on for today. My fb status is all "serious choices, blah blah" today, too.

Oh, and the other side of my fortune told me how to say 'watermelon' in chinese and I WAS LITERALLY EATING WATERMELON right then. I wish I was eating chinese food, but hey. Poor planning, I guess?

the feminists lied to me

There's been a recent surge of affirmative action in family courts leading to fathers being given custody and support more frequently, but at the same time, traditional values are still holding sway (at least here, in this culture) which relegate mothers to packing lunches, folding underwear, and other intellectually stimulating endeavors instead of furthering their own careers.

I am feeling really irate because the last 4 years of my life were spent doing both- toiling over my books and exams and enriching my children's lives while living on a meager income. All the while, trying to get good enough grades. I've made it to the end of the road.

I'm graduating. And there is no celebration, only deep blackness.


To be hire-able in my field, I'll need my MA. I don't intend to work in FL, so getting my MA here in field ANT makes about as much sense as trying to get a job with Bear Stearns. As a concession to my family's needs, I'm pursuing finishing my BA here in FL, but apparently that's not enough.

I have to choose between doing this AT ALL or NOT AT ALL. And I'm not very happy about that. Harry's calling all the shots right now, and I think he kind of loves that all my work has been for naught.

Should I even bother, or should I just give in to what he wants?
Should I just pack up and leave?
Should I just get a job in a restaurant and have nothing for the rest of my life?

I'd have my kids, sort of. I mean, isn't that how our culture defines a woman, as a mother?

of course, it WOULD rain cats and dogs on hobo-Tuesday

On Tuesdays, I usually feel compelled to stay on campus, because getting home and getting back there again more often than not makes me late for my evening class, and I usually only get a half hour at home for all that effort anyway.


One important part of hobo-Tuesday is the sleeping in a public place, since I invariably am subsisting on about 3 hours and it isn't fun. I prefer napping under an oak on the grassy lawn in the center of the campus, but I'll settle for the upstairs lobby of the Math & Science building, I guess. But maybe I should edit hobo-Tuesday so that it revolves around pies stolen off window sills or flasks of gin?? I think I am onto something here.


Anyways, I know all this rain is good for us; we've had some serious drought-age here in Pinellas County. Tampa has OUTLAWED watering yards unless you have reclaimed water. We've been importing water for our municipalities, home to over a million people. Which is ironic, because everywhere you look is water.

Our garden plants will be delighted, I know.

as a weight is lifted from my shoulders

The feeling that all outcomes are equal is a little foreign to me. I usually tend to be overly attached to everything, but more often it's situations and beliefs that I have a hard time recalibrating, rather than dealing with material attachments.

As a child, my mom (an Aquarius) wanted to impress upon me the value in not getting one's hopes too high, because of the risk of vast disappoint. The lesson never really stuck; I always go into things headlong and sometimes excessively (and all the while claiming to be a moderate!), and then I try and console myself when it all tumbles by saying that it just can't be avoided.

But when things really are going well, how do you take that? Cautiously? Or do you revel in it, soak it all up?

And things are good right now. Just good, good, good.

It is a miracle, but economically, I've seen my balances and I know I can handle all of these school expenses (paying for a few tests, applications, and my grad fees), I can handle our upcoming move (whether in town or out of town, is yet to be seen, but there is a move coming either way), I can even handle NOT getting the internship (plus stipend), if that's how it all plays out. I'd rather get it than not, but I'll BE OK either way.

Seriously, though, I'd like input on how you feel when life is (suspiciously) great... do you take that as an indicator of being on the right path? or do you think everything seemingly lined up can be just a fluke?

F*#K!!!

Argh, I'm annoying MYSELF so bad right now, so I figured I should come over and annoy you too.

I should be fine, I should feel f--king fine. EVERYTHING IS F--KING FINE.

There is nothing wrong, but my anxiety is through the roof today. I saw a terrible movie that gave me a stupid panic attack, and I now want to strangle the people who made that movie.

My Day


I rode my bike to work, which is exercise AND got me fresh air and sunlight. Don't I always say those things are key to good mental health? [And just who the hell do I think I am? Dr. Frasier Crane??]

Mr. Short gave me my exam from last week... 104%. Highest score in the class. Again.

After work, I went to the grocery store and the gym. I had a pretty great circuit training workout, and due to the huge mirrors everywhere, I noticed my ass looks HOT from all the cycling I've been doing. Thought about my boyfriend a bit. Think he likes my butt, too.

I oversaw the doing of homework and nightly reading. I got the kids in bed.

I get to borrow my mom's car tomorrow night, which means I am not stranded here on my kid-free night; I can actually GO OUT! Woo!

Ok, so considering my day (not too bad, except that my job is a sham)... what's wrong with my brain? Or the chemistry therein, rather. You know what I mean.

I don't know. Maybe everything IS wrong? Maybe nobody can be trusted and the world is full of scheming liars and wars and bad economies, even though there are probably enough resources for everyone?


THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AND I THINK I WANT MEDICATION.

three serious questions

I think I'm ready to answer.
This is what I have so far, but I might do some editing. If you have any suggestions, PLEASE don't hesitate to leave a comment! :-)



1) What are your past and present academic history and other experiences which you feel have prepared you for an internship?


In high school, I pursued academic excellence by seriously involving myself in my education. I served as the vice president of my school's French Honor Society and competed on the Academic Team for two years. When my coursework didn't challenge me enough, I took up writing, photography, and reading ethnographic works.
For the past few years, my life has been a bright montage of mothering my two children, pursuing a college degree, and sharing my passions with others. There have been struggles along the way, but my perseverance has brought me to this moment.

In several of the jobs I’ve held, my main purpose was to connect with children and to inspire them to ask questions and investigate the world around them. As an anthropology instructor at Girls Inc, I drafted my own syllabus and presented hands-on educational activities to my class. My most current employment, at my college, has given me practical experience in office management and assisting a busy Program Director.

As a mother, I have begun to master creative problem solving, multi-tasking, and communication.

Feeling ready to synthesize these experiences is what has led me to apply for an internship in the National Museum of Natural History’s Anthropology Department.




2) What do you hope to accomplish through an internship and how it would relate to your academic and career goals?


I feel that this internship will help me to further my understanding of anthropological research, of educating the general public, and show me the internal workings of a NFP organization. As a Latin American, I am fascinated with the origins of the people of the Americas. My intended focus, as an anthropologist, is to conduct research in the field of Paleo-Indian migrations. I currently envision using several different methods to do this, including ethnographic work, linguistic analysis, and archaeology.

I have considered that this may be too broad a scope, so I am open to the idea that experience and insight gained through this internship might help me to more narrowly define my future work somewhat, even if I am not employed in anything relating to those specific future goals at the Smithsonian.




3) What about the Smithsonian, in particular, interests you and leads you to pursue this internship?


The NMNH, in our nation’s capital, is the embodiment of scientific outreach, displaying it’s remarkable collections for any who wishes to see them. The millions of people who pass through it’s doors each year are entering into a world that speaks to their very humanity, as the awe that nature inspires in us is universal.

I believe that the Smithsonian Institute is everything it’s founder hoped it would be. It is an institution that has made significant advancements in the fields of research and cultural preservations, and is renowned for diligent public service. If there was ever a symbol of American curiosity and exploration, it would be the Smithsonian Institute, and I would be honored to be a part of this institution.

can we start a happy-meter for when I get somewhere on time?

I got to bio-lab in St. Pete very early today. So early I had time for breakfast in the gross little school cafe that was crawling with high schoolers, apparently.

I didn't get the full happy-meter bar, because I didn't have to get kids ready today, and I only got there so early because I didn't make coffee at home before I left.

NM, and my roommate sunbathing

The least nice stairwell in the new building. Seriously.




My new office. Notice all the junk I still have to unpack, lol.

Anyways, the new building is named NM. Um, New Mexico? Natural Math? Huh??


And, here's the pic I took of Helen, making a sand angel, at the beach on Christmas Day.

two things that make me wonder if the poles really are moving

Ok, so today was pretty interesting.

First day back to work since the holiday break started and I was in the new building. But no phones or computers have been hooked up yet, so no actual work can go on in there. Which is silly because ALL of the necessary paperwork and every last piece of the dept's office supplies are... IN THE NEW BUILDING.

So I unpacked boxes and moved things around somewhat.

As pretty as some parts of it are (skylights, floor to ceiling windows and stonework, great color scheme, fantastic tile work), the new building is like a comedy of errors, a glimmering, two story monstre sacre.

There are piles of construction debris throughout, electrical outlets that have no juice, doors that need repairs, and various little bits of unfinished business everywhere. How can classes start in 6 days? Really, I implore you.


Anyways, that's not even the stuff that registered on my radar as unusual:


1) Daniel (the really smart guy) stopped by and said hi while I was at work. I say this is unusual because it has never happened to me before, and was the last thing I expected to happen today. He has a nice smile, too.

And

2) I was solidly rear-ended tonight in Pinellas Park (as I brake for cyclists-even those who choose to rewrite traffic rules), but there is not a scratch on anybody.

I can't sleep

I think I've got a little bit of a fever.

But that's not very interesting...


Guess what? I get to keep my job in the new year; it's official. Woohoo, for not being unemployed!


My new office is pretty great, but the coolest thing about the new building is that it HAS SHOWERS in the downstairs bathrooms.

No joke. Bill Hemme, my boss, an avid commuter-cyclist pointed this feature out to me, but I had noticed it before anyone had a chance to say anything, thinking that it will indeed be possible to ride to work as the weather heats back up in the spring.

If only I could find one of these, then I could take the kids to school (one at a time, but it would work, Cora gets dropped off at 8:30, Conn at 9:00, and my house is in between their schools), and then head out myself for school/work.

Santa, I've been an awfully good girl...

ding ding!

Oh, yeah, just wanted toss some onomatopoeia your way, as I hang out in my office.

Both Gloria and Linda have left for the holidays and I am veritably drunk on power. I turned the radio to WMNF, ate some pumpkin pie with my lunch (free campus food day), I have the keys to the building dangling daintily from my wrist, and I can't leave my post, except to save the day (which I have technically already done twice today). Now if I could just conjure up a cup of coffee.


Oh, and as far as the "ding ding"... I'm also pretty excited about suddenly having a bell on my bike. Thanks for the present, B!

interdepartmental canoodling, and other juicy stories from the girl who shreds paper

Remember how I said I wouldn't be working on Fridays and that was one of the perks of this job? Yeah, well I have only had one Friday off so far, and one that I just skipped (whoops). It's because that's been the only way I can feasibly get all 15 of my (measly) hours in, since I can't work at all on Tuesdays and I can't work until after 11 am on Thursdays and then have to leave by 1:45 if I'm going to be on time to pick up Conner. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I've taken to just staying on campus between work and Chem lecture, which keeps me from driving unneccessarily and saves money and stress, but cuts into my time with my kids by 2 hours a week.

Funny how in the SAHM days I would have laughed over missing them for an extra hour or two. I would have been running to the car.

OK, I'll get to the workplace makeout session. That's why you are reading this today, anyways, I'll gamble.

So, I work in a college office and across the hall from me is a nice girl with glasses and REAAAALLY incredibly long hair. She has goldfish in her office, which is also cluttered with beanie babies and cute things. And, yesterday, I went in there to ask her something and saw that she had company (someone who also works at the college), and that they may have been holding hands, but seeing as that it's been an emotional week, I figured hand holding was not that uncommon.

Oh, I am not kidding but today, they were in there for a long time and I definately saw them making out every time I walked past for about an hour and a half. The door was wide open; I am not a pervert, ok??

This all got me thinking, and makes me sort of sad, too.

1) I am a really awesome person, I am good in a couple, and I want someone to make out with on Fridays.

2) I might not ever get to share the rest of my life with someone. This is actually a possibility, and I don't know how to handle it.


I'm now going to reference one of my favorite real-life- romance stories: Once upon a time, before Trent fell deeply in love with Carrie, he listed in his blog exactly what he was looking for in a girl. He actually had first laid it all out on paper, just for his own benefit, but then decided it was entertaining enough for the rest of us, too.

I have done that before, but maybe it's time again.

-smart, but not so brilliant I seem excessively dull
-hot, but not too conceited
-nerdy, in a hot way
-well read
-not a strict rule follower, or at least doesn't care that I am not
-compassionate, ethical, involved,
-likes children, plants, and animals :)
-likes Anthropology, science, riding bikes, reading books, drinking beer, music
-wants to teach me things, somewhat talkative but ok with silences

Oh, and did I mention I've started an experiment in... online dating. I know. Sigh.

Does this mean I am totally not a happening chick or am I just open-minded? I don't know, I'm tired of the bar scene and like the ability to filter through the people that just won't do. I wasn't originally going to do it, but thought... why not?

Because I hate dissapointment, THAT'S WHY.

There are some guys I am chatting with and all is/was well, except one of them freaked me out a little with some things that were excessive. Let me just say you do not ask a girl you are ONLY just recently chatting with if she is on The Pill!!!! For real. DON'T DO IT> And before that he was funny, smart, liberal, and really seemed cool.

The next guy is hotter than the first, and seems like more fun. He was enthusiastic to chat w me, and then all of a sudden... crickets chirping. But he really has all of those qualities I listed, plus he loves Star Wars and hates circuses like me. And I am really awesome (tell me: what's not to love about me?). Should I IM him back and say "Hey, was it something I said?" ?

I am really ready to have someone in my corner, to be in someone's corner. I'm completely jealous of all of you people with mates!

I think I survived. I'll tell you when the dust settles.

"Oh, taking 5 classes is SUCH a good idea!" hahahahahha.

"Working in the math/science office will basically be getting paid to do my HW."

No, not really. I packed boxes for the move to the new building and shredded paper and ran errands for the dept. No, there is no time for studying.



This is me, blogging maniacally. Trying to. I don't even know, but I had to stop in and make a note so that I can look back on this in the future.


BTW I WAS AT THE COLLEGE FOR 11.5 HOURS TODAY. Work + studying @ library (because if I drove home I would have been here for 1 hour)+ Chem Lecture + Chem lab.


I had to print out my lab worksheets at the last minute, too. I had just finished the hard exam, was already running late for the lab portion of my night, and was 1 minute away from drinking the formaldehyde across the hall when the printer in my office was spitting out reams of f'ed up paper at me.























Woohoo... titration. Can somebody remember my birthday this coming year and give me a set of burets so I can STAB myself with them??
[PLEASE NOTE: the boy in this photo may very well be a Canadian "Chemistry & Physics International Olympiad" as he claims to be, BUT HE IS USING IMPROPER FORM> it's a big no-no to fill burets above eye level. Kids- don't do this at home!]


So, this is going to all be worth it someday, right? Maybe this is "character building" or something...

so much good news, it's like the gospel 'round here

- I did not get fired... YAY!!! Lin was wondering if I could cover some of her hours when she goes out of town in Nov. LOL!! Yes, I realize I am extremely insecure; one serious voicemail away from having a breakdown. Because I think of voicemails as a serious thing- sort of a last resort when you have something very important to say.


- Tonight, Barb's coming over for sushi and beer. Well, I'll be drinking, I don't know if she will be, haha. And we are going to watch the debate, online, since there's no television in my living room. But it will be fun either way.


- I'm starting a Critical Mass group for Clearwater. Can you believe there is none here? There's Tampa and St. Pete, sure, but I wanna ride here ;-)

So- If you are interested in joining us, post a comment or send an email. I'll definately have all the specifics in the next week or two... I do know I intend for it to start at SPC Clearwater and head downtown (4.5 miles), and then around... somewhere.

I intend to hand out a flyer to the cyclists I see at school, and to friends. Maybe make a myspace page for it, too.

I'm freaked out :-(

L, one of my bosses, from work called my cell this evening and left me a message, with her cell number. She said she had something to say but did not really want to say it in front of everyone... I called her back, but I got voicemail.

Uhhh.

Am I being fired?


I swear, just the other day she was telling me what a god-send I am in the office.

We're moving into a new building before the spring semester, and I've been getting the ball rolling towards packing.

The worst thing I've done was text a teeny bit when nothing else important was going on. Everyone else in my office is mellow, looking at catalogs, eating at their desks, etc.

I was eating crackers at my desk a little last week.

I got there 5 min late last Wednesday.