the one where I discuss (complain about?) dating and sex and objectification and everything personal

Woohoo! It seems that I'm wholly OUT of break up/rebound territory. Not bothered much by the ole BC any more these days. Except yesterday, when I drove past a black Jeep Cherokee and I think the driver and I made eye contact. And the driver had a square shaped head, nice lips, and black nerdy glasses. I almost threw up, but thank goodness I had to shift into 3rd and didn't have time to get all dramatic.


Anyways.
Helen and I recently noticed that single-ness becomes me. I am happy and healthy. I seem to think that I like relationships better, but when I'm actually WITH someone, I turn into a wreck; self denial, weeping when I fear it's OVER, manic happy episodes when things are good. With someone, I tend to drink too much, miss too much work, and ignore my other friends. It's awful, really.


But dating is a miserable pain in the ass. Let me tell you. I've not really jumped back into that pool yet, just texting with a few people, wetting my feet, so to speak. And you know, I wouldn't even bother, except that I really do want to believe in the whole "falling in love" thing. And if you want a dating relationship to go well, I've learned you must take it a little slower than you'd like and postpone sex until you've defined the relationship. Both of those things are NOT things I'd prefer to do (I'm terribly impulsive), that's just what I've discovered through all my, uh, research.

And I declared late last Dec, after B and I broke it off for good, that I was done done DONE with casual sex (because of the health risk, not because of the psychological implications). And then I was in a monogamous relationship again (which made me miserable) for a while, and now single and wishing I'd not said I was done with casual sex, because if I'm also not getting into a relationship, that's pretty much the same thing as saying I'm done with sex altogether. See? This is a moebius strip conundrum all the way! Argh.

Now, I want to add that my anthropologist friend (who I "have some history with") is in town, petitioning for a bit of my time, and casual is the agenda. It's not very well hidden. Actually, it's completely blatant. There never was much pretense with him. And the kinds of things he says in text are so crazy and outrageous, part of me wants to slap him. But he can back it up, let me tell you. And my brain likes the banter, anyways.

But wait, didn't I say I was DONE with all of that?

So my questions are:

are men who pursue women for sex instead of relationships OBJECTIFYING them?

is objectification actually wrong if it's consensual?

is it any more forgivable if the man is wonderful, brilliant, and considerate?

is it any better considering that I've always happily enough walked away from the affairs in the past?

what if it turns out I can't fall in love without it being a disaster, anyways?




If I can't have what you have... a hand to hold, a compadre, a partner in crime, a yang to my yin... can't I at least have the hot (knocking over lamps and chairs and tall piles of books) sex?

I went all the way to Orlando, and all I got was this...

(actually very nice) tee shirt! It says "Keep It Wheel", hee hee.

No, seriously, it was a complete surprise to me.

Tee shirts were handed out for first, second, and third place, as well as "dead last" and "fell flat on his face". I got the prize for donating extra food. Woo! Not dead last, and I didn't fall on my face!! :D

And actually, that's not all I got. I got to spend time doing something for a good cause, socializing with people I'm newly acquainted with, meeting some new people, having a great time riding (the weather was amazing, the food at Etho's was really good, and we all drank beer and hung out for a while after the race).

Oh, but folks, thats not the end of the story.

There's a MORAL to this tale.

A girl I know offered to drive, and I took her up on her offer. NOTE: I would have been fine driving myself. I have a bike rack on my car for this very purpose.

We agreed that we'd be coming home that same day. NOTE: I had agreed to go to those parties because I was going to be coming home Saturday evening.

After several additional factors came into play, she made a split-second-cross-4-lanes-of-interstate-traffic to drive to SOME GUY'S house in Orlando, some guy she doesn't even really know that well, and who was a complete stranger to me, announcing that she was not, in fact, driving me back to Pinellas Co. as planned.

I was actually almost relieved she wasn't driving, because her road rage had came out of hiding to the point where she was being extremely agressive, not to mention rude, to other cars, and even pedestrians (all with the bikes on the back of her SUV)!

She had decided we could "crash there" because she was too exhausted and hungry to go home.

However, I had no intention of staying there. I offered to drive (she said no), I suggested we stop for food and coffee (she was not interested), until I finally started calling madly for train/bus info, but by this time, all the ticket offices were closed.

NOTE: I could have gotten a ride with any number of people from Etho's, if I had known she'd flip out... Many of them live over this way, and were driving back, too.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: I could have purchased a Greyhound bus or train ticket right there in downtown Orlando if I had known!

I was livid, to say the least.


Anyways, my bike and I did make it back home last night, thanks to the timeless strength of the bonds of friendship. My roommate called a friend in Orlando who came and rescued me and brought me back here, in exchange for our couch to sleep on, and my promise to make breakfast.


Moral of the story: don't go to Orlando with someone you don't implicitly trust.

wait- Heather B. Armstrong is pregnant?

It's true, but really that's all I have to say about that. I mean, it's silly to blog about a famous blogger. That's like if I was to tell you that Bike Snob said thefunniestthingever about something yesterday.

Actually, a post where I recap bloggy things for you mightn't be ALL bad?


Um... yeah. Or you could just look at the links I posted. Pretty much all of the blogs I read are there, except for Bike Snob and Dooce. I figured they don't need my meager traffic.


I'll update you on things here.

1) My teeth- still in my mouth.

2) Conn will be in his first Thanksgiving show tommorrow morning at his school. Can you believe it?? He's wearing a white dress shirt and tie and everything.

3) Cora is insanely jealous of this, depsite the fact that I'm coming to HER school on Friday for "Home Made Turkey Soup Day", or "The First Graders Present: Thanksgiving!"

4) Conn CAN READ. He can read, I tell you. I swear, that boy is the most precocious 3 year old ever.

5) Cora is really quite upset that he can read. That was HER trick. She told me tonight that it's not OK, and that "the whole world CAN'T learn how to read". She forbids it, because it steals some of her glory.

6) This weekend, I'm going to Orlando for a bike race (for charity). It's like a scavenger hunt that takes us through downtown Orlando grocery stores to purchanse specified things. All food gathered on this ride will be donated to the hungry!

7) I also got invited to tag along on what I believe is someone else's date. Well, I'm being told that it isn't [but it's a party at an art gallery and a girl invited the person who invited me], because she's "working the door". I wish I could say this is the first time, but I think I recall this same friend having invited me out as a third wheel once before. Saddest thing? I kinda want to go, even though it seems like a really awful thing to do to myself, or to another girl. Well, truth be told, I have some ulterior motives:

a) not staying home drinking alone on a Saturday night
b) possibly running into someone that I half expect will be there
c) not being there alone when I run into this person
d) suspect I was invited in order to make my friend look less available
e) which means I may be shown off a bit ;-)
f) have the absolute hottest thing to wear



What do you think... go to the party? or run like hell from any situation even remotely like that one?

the one about the thing I have to get done

I may have underestimated my ability to bite off more than I can chew.

I am a little swamped right now, just with all the basic, fundemental requirements of life; I just took the recycling to my car, and it is mountainous. Now, tommorrow morning I have to remember to give myself enough time drop it off. How likely do you think that is? And later, I'm going to babysit the babies who live next door for a couple of hours, in 'sacred reciprocity' with my neighbor, who will be watching the kids on Monday evenings when I go to SPC for a couple of hours.

Laundry and grocery shopping(by bike) is a good idea for the weekend, too, since now I live life working and going to school, diurnally, Monday through Friday. It's incredibly regular, but at the same time, for me- unusual. I'd gotten used to going to school a couple of nights a week (still do tht, actually), and working the other nights of the week.

It's not all work and no play; we also have plans to go to a birthday party and out to breakfast with my mom. I need to make and print out my flyer for the Critical Mass
ride.

Also, this coming week is going to be really interesting at school. I have an exam in Trig of graphing of trigonometric things. Some of it is easy to me, but some of it I haven't the slightest clue about. To be specific, it's the tan and cot waves...

And I have an exam in Chem which covers vast quanities of information to be memorized. I'm not exaggerating much; VAST QUANTITIES.
In addition of requiring the flexibility of an acrobat with dimensional analyses, the exam is going to also call upon our nomenclature skills. And I have no nomenclature skills!

Wish me luck. I really really want all A's. I haven't felt like that in a long time, it's sort of amazing. Today, I discovered that I have 71 credits. Sort of unbelievable, right?

Thankfully, both kids are enjoying school and that helps give me the time to work and go to class during the day. I do wish I didn't have Chem M/W evenings, because I already have Am. History on Tuesday nights, but the Chem lecture is short, which is cool, and Dr. Herod is hot in a NOT nerdy way, for whatever THAT's worth. Seriously, he's hot. Probably late 30's. [I'm sick, I know.]

Oh, yeah, and I decided it's also about time to write a few letters to representatives, about the stuff that's going on. It's only right. Like the recycling (up to my eyeballs).

my mom is allergic to my particular brand of common sense

Yesterday, I mentioned to my mom how on Saturday I rode 10 miles on my distance test, and that I was very proud of myself. She said "Ok."

Then, I mentioned that I've made a commitment to myself to ride instead of drive "whenever possible", which means when I don't have to transport the children + children's gear, and when I'm not going not excessively far (about 5 miles each way was kinda easy... so I'm not sure what my upper limit is yet).

She flipped out! She is really not happy with me about this, and, like always, I wish she could understand me.

I mentioned that there is no good reason to NOT ride. I am physically capable, no excuses there. I can save money on gas. I can get my workout while I travel to work and school (saves time at the gym). It's fun. It's good for the earth, because I use less resources and put out less waste this way. And, it's empowering to know that you can do what you need to do, with the energy of your own body.


According to my mom, I should be thankful to have a car (I am, trust me!), and I should show that gratitude by not deviating from the (so called) norm.

She said if I need help paying for gas I should ask her for some extra cash. (Ok)

And that I'm a mother and it's time to act like it; time to stop always doing what I want. To me, doing a good deed now is doubly good. Children see everything.

The 'helps the earth' part pissed her off the most. Did you know there are anti-environmentalists? Yes, there are. Nothing against the 'religious right', but come on! If God made the earth, why trash it just because He can work miracles or because the end is nigh? My mom says that I should be focusing on my salvation, and not so much on "so called good deeds".

Maybe this is our biggest bone of contention, but I REALLY believe in doing things ethically, even if it inconveniences me a little (and I think I stick to my principles about 90% of the time).

If you are poor and need my coat more than I do (because I'm lucky enough to have 2 or 3), I might give it to you.

Do you need fresh air to breath? Let me see if I can do something to help out.