a few days away from all out insanity? nahhhh

"Everything will be ok, everything will be fine..." I chanted to myself as I lay huddled on the floor between the kitchen and living room.

My kids were playing upstairs, I could hear them, so I let myself just wallow for a bit, not wanting them to see me upset and knowing they would make plenty of noise coming down the stairs. At least the "everything will be ok" motivational speech was an improvement. Minutes before I was crying out that I just couldn't take it anymore.

"It" being the constant cooking and cleaning (and scrubbing, on hands and knees), over and over, with no appreciation.

First, I was making lunch. Fresh fish. My mom's recipe for red snapper; a tomato, onion, and garlic sauce. The kids had just informed me that they weren't going to eat fish (even though at the grocery store, 24 hours earlier, I asked them if they wanted some fish this week and they said YES) and then they ran upstairs to play, when I splattered red sauce all over my brand new white wrap style blouse. And then, I took to the floor, fetal-style.

Once I got up there was a blur of activity. Helen and I nearly ripped the shirt off of me as I poured ginger ale on it, and then I got out some of the spray-on stuff she has around that is miraculously formulated.

White blouse was saved.

But what about my mental health? Seriously. I'm in a bind here.

This is the situation- I have been eating mostly clean un-processed foods with the exception of some beer and a tortilla at Brian's house a few weeks ago, and a little Greek dressing on a salad I had at Ikea yesterday (origin of the dressing unknown). And this kind of eating takes more work than eating just whatever. And I honestly need to eat every 3 hours.

Planning, shopping, washing prep stuff, etc. Now, with school starting again, I have to really be on the ball, but time will be a big factor.

Now, I love my roommate, you know that. She is as important to me as my own family. And I want what's best for her, and I'd love it if she cut out fast and highly processed foods... but she's not capable of doing it for herself and I just can't do it all! I can't do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning for both of us to eat clean, and I feel terribly guilty to do it just for myself... that seems so selfish.

So I don't know what to do. Can I just lay on the floor and moan a bit more? Can I have a snack? I'm starving already.

Henny Penny, and her compadre

Two important things you needed to see:





Hens




& How we do bathtubs in Colorado

4-non-blogs

I told you a little tiny bit about Atlanta (just the first day) and virtually nothing about the Decemberists show. Colorado, my cousin's wedding, and my birthday were completely unmentioned here.

I am just such an in the moment blogger that I'd rather tell you about how I've been awake since 7 am (unheard of for me) and BUSY. I'm listening to Blossom Dearie and Billie Holiday right now, and on a mission to clean house.

Also, we have WHO KNOWS how many watermelon babies on the way. A couple of days ago, there were four. Now it's upwards of 8!

Wednesday & Thursday- Atlanta

My cousin, Alicia, has known me since I was born, but since we're about 7 years apart, she and I didn't spend much time together. Besides, our HUGE family is just like that. There are so many of us and so spread out geographically (some of the time), and so much drama in our parent's generation that a lot of us cousins feel like we are breaking new ground.

Happy I was to learn that Alicia is a bit more high strung than I am (read: gorgeously kept condo, age appropriately trendy wardrobe, perfect figure) but really cool. We chatted music, anthropology, eating clean, and life's curve balls.

On Thursday, I did a whole lot of nothing in the early part of the day, and then in the evening, we went to the High Museum in downtown Atlanta for some local music (Hope for Agoldensummer) and a cappuccino.


Wednesday Night- The Decemberists

Alicia dropped me off in front of The Tabernacle an hour and a half early. I was going to walk around downtown a bit first and head over there when I thought the doors would be opening, but how lucky I headed in! The place was buzzing already.

I grabbed 2 pints and headed for the floor. In no time, I had scooted to the front row, just left of center. I made the acquaintance of a couple of young music ed students from Alabama and a couple of Georgia high school teachers. After a lot of standing in cramped quarters, Blind Pilot started things up. Their front-man is adorable. Consider me smitten. Oh! and he's a Gemini, like me. I'm on a Gemini kick, I think.

After Blind Pilot, I noticed Tabernacle staff bringing big stacks of fluffy clean towels out, in anticipation. It seemed like a good omen.

The whole gang of them looked absolutely grand. Jenny Conley came out first and started into the first track of Hazards of Love, while the rest of them came out. And they played the whole thing (it's a concept album with a plot), in order. Colin impressed me with his lack of attention hogging. So many other lead singers seem to want to dominate front and center, but he only did during his vocal parts, giving way to Shara Worden and Becky Stark during their parts.


And the girls were amazing. Extreme. The whole band brought so much energy to the show. And the crowd was great too.

Following Hazards, they took a break and then came out for a second set... which included a bunch of songs (Shiny, July, July, The Bachelor and the Bride, Engine Driver, Shankill Butchers, 16 Military Wives, Dracula's Daughter, O'Valencia, an insane cover of Crazy On You by Heart, Raincoat, and A Cautionary Song with some crowd-interactive improvisational theater. I mean, they got down on the floor with us and were goofing off. Crowd surfing a bit.

After the show, I waited by the buses for a bit with a small crowd to meet the band. :) Colin is as nice as you'd think. Nicer, maybe? He seemed genuinely surprised when I told him this was the best concert I had ever been to. "Really?" he asked with a smile, "That's great!" :)


Colorado, My Heart

Early on Friday, 4 am to be exact, Alicia and I headed off for the airport. Some cute guy (and about my age) with dark curly hair offered to help me hoist my duffel bag into the overhead compartment and Alicia intercepted, saying "No thanks!! She's got it." And I was going to just be all "Oh, thank you kind sir." I found out later, when we chatted a bit, that he's a CO native.

Denver is actually pretty full of attractive people. We helped my cousin get ready for his wedding (some of my cousins later did some whining about this but what ever!) and got to meet the family of his bride. And, not to mention, we got to socialize with each other. It had been at least a year since I saw some of these relatives, 3 years for the others. Uncle Marty, Danny and Cindy's dad, I hadn't seen since I was 6 or 7 years old.

The mountains and cliffs were unbelievable. The air so light and crisp you actually wanted to run around until you felt lightheaded. It was wintery and just absolutely perfect.

The wedding, utterly romantic. Their chupah was adorable and I hope their home life together is as sweet as this was for years to come. We did plenty of talking, dancing, and drinking (who could forget the antique clawfoot tub in the outdoor reception area filled with ice and bottles of wine??). I stayed up till 5 am with Rick King, Alicia, Dan, and Ave.


Sunday- On My 26th Birthday
I woke up (just a couple of hours later, at 7:30)and realized I had a potential disaster on my hands. My cousin, Irene, had left for the airport in Denver w/o me! There were about 60 people staying up there in the mountains, friends and family, but we all had different departing schedules, so we had tried to organize ourselves accordingly... but there must have been a miscommunication. I'll go ahead and assume the error was mine. Anyways, I was "2 hours" away from the airport according to those who were non-locals. It ended up being a hour and 20 minutes with one of my cousin's friends. He was headed back home to Denver and the timing was just right! Whew.

Back home, I got to hang with my kids and give Cora some birthday presents. I took the kids, my mom, and Helen out for ice cream and just marveled continuously at how much oxygen we have in our lowland air.

I stand in awe of this man (and his project)

At SPC, I had a really really great boss.

(So great, I'd rather answer a phone by chirping "Mr. Hemme's office, how can I help you?" than any other way.)

And not only did he manage the (surprisingly tumultuous) Math and Science Departments with calm fairness and a steady hand, he carried a dream inside of him like a tiny lit coal.

Ok, maybe that seems like too much fluff, but we are talking about a middle aged man with a wife, house, career, bills, cars, a son in college, "responsibilities", and all the other trappings of life in the USA. And he IS LIVING HIS DREAM: TO RIDE HIS BICYCLE ACROSS THE NATION. Yes, instead of watching cable.

And I hear so many people muse about what they would do if only...

it upsets me, so smooth it over with homemade cheer.

I am actually going to pick up the knitting needles again.

Think I can get something done in time for seasonal gift-giving? Who knows.


---Also--- Michelle, I am intending to mail a parcel to YOU "any day now". Which means after finals.

I've been meaning to send it to you since the last week of August.


Homemade things are the order of the week; Cora and I are giving her teacher homemade dog biscuits and a letter Z ornament, Conner's teachers will get plates of cookies, my mom is getting... uh, something. Bender reads this blog every-so-often, so I won't say exactly what she's getting, but it's handcrafted by me and since we live together, I'll get to see it frequently.

On the winter solstice, we'll be here with Yuletide cheer, lighting candles, singing songs, opening gifts, and decorating our very own piece of the forest with glittery paper-chains that the kids are putting together.

Down with exclusively store-bought holidays!

Down with Kay's and Lexus and JC Penny's!

In times like these, I wish my dad was around

He was not only a lawyer/genius/artist/philanthropist... he was an economist, too.

I would really like some answers re: economic theory, and cause & effect.

In lieu of his corporeal presence, I will be popping in on Rick Penberthy, an old favorite teacher, that I'm sure I've blogged about before. He taught my high school psychology classes, economics, and also was our Academic Team coach/faculty sponser. He was the only person (besides the other members of the team) that made me feel like knowing the difference between Albert Durer and Alberti tiles was worthwhile.

I hear they don't ask about them much on that FCAT... but that's neither here nor there.

Anyways, I'm going to pay Mr. Penberthy a visit this week, when I get a chance.


Do you know what was being touted as newsworthy on Yahoo today? I know, because it's my homepage, so I can see my emails and stay abreast of these important stories (rolling eyes). There were 4 that got top billing:

1) "Latest Dancing Celeb Got The Boot"

2) Jennifer Hudson's engagement ring

3) Best times of year to purchase cars

4) What DOES $700 BILLION dollars compare to


Am I the only one feeling nauseated?

Why don't we, a generation of Americans who have more access to networking and information than ever before, feel more compelled to give a shit?

I will agree that this election (the past few, actually) have been bringing people out of the woodwork, but I suspect that's partly because it's so dramatic and heavily advertised on the shiny TV. What about the other issues we don't get in an uproar about? I'm not saying WHO we have for president isn't important, but that if the people sit back to WATCH the president, no matter who it is, we have surrendered. Even if Obama wins, I hope the Democrats stay on top of him, bust his chops a little. And not with the drama, please. Just keep him working.


Last night, in my American History class we covered the demise of the Articles of Confederation and the writing of the Constitution. This stuff always gets me all worked up (can't you just see me crying on the 4th of July? LOL you think I'm joking).

Outside on break, I was chatting up one of the hot guys in my class.

me: So, how d'you like this class so far?

him: Oh, it's alright. He's funny sometimes. [the professor IS funny sometimes] How about you?

me: It's social sciences, pertains to my major, so I enjoy it, you know? It's interesting to me.

him: Oh, it doesn't have any practical application for me, I just needed the credit. [in his defense, hottie is an engineering major]

me: Well! It's still applicable; you are American!

--we both laugh, and then I wonder if he probably thinks I'm psychotic now or something--

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I rode 9 miles yesterday, and I broke my personal record (!!!) for how quickly I got TO school (it's uphill).

my mom is allergic to my particular brand of common sense

Yesterday, I mentioned to my mom how on Saturday I rode 10 miles on my distance test, and that I was very proud of myself. She said "Ok."

Then, I mentioned that I've made a commitment to myself to ride instead of drive "whenever possible", which means when I don't have to transport the children + children's gear, and when I'm not going not excessively far (about 5 miles each way was kinda easy... so I'm not sure what my upper limit is yet).

She flipped out! She is really not happy with me about this, and, like always, I wish she could understand me.

I mentioned that there is no good reason to NOT ride. I am physically capable, no excuses there. I can save money on gas. I can get my workout while I travel to work and school (saves time at the gym). It's fun. It's good for the earth, because I use less resources and put out less waste this way. And, it's empowering to know that you can do what you need to do, with the energy of your own body.


According to my mom, I should be thankful to have a car (I am, trust me!), and I should show that gratitude by not deviating from the (so called) norm.

She said if I need help paying for gas I should ask her for some extra cash. (Ok)

And that I'm a mother and it's time to act like it; time to stop always doing what I want. To me, doing a good deed now is doubly good. Children see everything.

The 'helps the earth' part pissed her off the most. Did you know there are anti-environmentalists? Yes, there are. Nothing against the 'religious right', but come on! If God made the earth, why trash it just because He can work miracles or because the end is nigh? My mom says that I should be focusing on my salvation, and not so much on "so called good deeds".

Maybe this is our biggest bone of contention, but I REALLY believe in doing things ethically, even if it inconveniences me a little (and I think I stick to my principles about 90% of the time).

If you are poor and need my coat more than I do (because I'm lucky enough to have 2 or 3), I might give it to you.

Do you need fresh air to breath? Let me see if I can do something to help out.

apparently I DO need to make myself scarcer

How do YOU handle it when someone tells you you are fat(ish)?

Well, in our culture (and I´m including you because I blindly assume you are American, haven´t slightest clue who reads this blog) it´s very personal, and rude to bring something like that up, unless you are inquiring after someone´s actual health and wellbeing, right?

I mean, I can bitch to my friends about my BMI, but unsolicited (negative) comments about my appearance... Ay!

We can assume it´s a cultural difference.


My general formula for wellbeing is to work out, feel great, and eat what I want, within reason (I drink beer, eat dessert, etc... in balance with really healthy stuff). I broke the habit of stress eating last year. I picked it back up at my grandma´s house two weeks ago, right around the same time my grandma said I should get lipo.

So, anyways, my sexy Barbie-doll aunt, yes, the mother of two sporty teenage boys, who doesn´t eat much because she has special pills to combat hunger is watching me very closely, breakfast and lunch (no dinner, or alcohol, served in this house).

What is this; fat camp? sigh.
I want my gym. I want my hamster. I want a mixed drink, and bad.

a really hard thing

It's probably part of the cycle of life, how sometimes we are UP and other days very much down... Well, that's natural for me anyways.

But, yeah, there are some issues I am dealing with right now. Not really direct, clearcut home-sickness, but I did have a dream last night where I tried to find a way to end the trip early. Of course, there was none.

Basically, what's going on is that my grandma is a compulsive tidy person, and I am me (and, naturally, my kids know MY ways and rules). Of course she loves me but there have been problems. I've been cautious, above and beyond my usual manner, to wash every dish and spoon we dity, to gather up after them, and so on, but the fact remains that I do not have all the answers, or eyes in the back of my head. I'm struggling to do my best and it's definately wearing me out everyday. It's just not enough.

The house is FULL to the brim with delicate, beautiful, expensive things that appeal to children... Tiny animals made of austrian crystal, nice linens, etc. Some things are less expensive (little baskets full of decorative soaps in the bathroom that are GLUED into place in the basket, lol), but that doesn't really change anything to my grandma when they are pulled out because somebody (we still don't have a confession from the guilty party) thought they were toys.

Also, electricity is very expensive, and three year olds love to turn on lights.

My grandma is also old (you know how old people are), so she is naturally set in her ways and any form of disorder in the house makes her already sore back hurt MUCH worse. And since I went so many years without and wishing I had this family back I truly want to humor her...

Si, abuelita. Por supuesto... (Yes, grandma. Of course.)

Whether it's about giving the kids their ommelette WITH their arepas (no difference to me) or asking them to stop leaving little handprints on the walls (I'd def rather they didn't!), I agree with her. And she insists that no food be thrown out, that shoes always be worn in the house, that beds are made crisply. The list goes on.

I have OFFICALLLY been asked to do a better job at disciplining them (I guess all these years I've been having fun indulging them??) so hopefully we will go home with wonderful new habits in place regarding cleanliness, self discipline, chores, etc.

Ugh. No wonder they keep liquor in this house.

BIG shout out

To Kim and Sean (Cora's "god-parents").

Well, mostly to Kim. I needed a short notice babysitter for work tonight, and she said no problem, come right over.

It's great because our 4 kids have known each other since they were in utero. After the split up with Harry, I wondered how these kinds of relationships would work out. For the past two years, us four groun ups have spent less time together (because it's awkward hanging out w/ H), but the kids finally got to bounce around this evening.

Work was fine... didn't use that much gas and got above average tips.