oh, THAT'S my password! ;)

Has life ever been better? Or busier?



My semester ended today, and Robby and I fly out in 25 days!!!!!

There's still a ton to do between now and then, but the biggest has got to be packing up and moving everything I own IN ADDITION to packing for 10 rugged Yukon weeks. Nine of which will be spent living in a tent camp with my boyfriend, how awesome is that? :)

Also, there's that and Seattle/Vancouver on the way there, and L.A. and Denver on the way home. I am soooo excited, but sort of crazy nervous right now. I'll feel better once every paper is filed with the appropriate department, everything is worked out, every box packed and moved out, and we are standing in my empty place.

gear to purchase:

quality long underwear
either a double size air mattress or thermarests and a coupler
a large enough pack
a decent waterproof jacket
new boots, the old ones are done in!
another two pairs of wool socks

Up to my ears

At least it's anthropology and not recycling that's piled up around here!! (took the recycling to the drop off center yesterday)

Here's the update:

Archaeology- not too challenging so far. Easy in fact. I know a lot of this stuff already. I've been asking pertinent questions about the lecture material in class and Dr. Roos appears to know me and says hi when we see each other in the halls.

Bio Ant- well... I have a 100% so far on quizzes and 2 extra credit points added to the final total. Whew. John Trainor's personal research is of particular interest to me, especially now that I am eating (somewhat) differently; human diet and evolution.

Bio Ant Lab- My prof for this is such a sweetie, but she's a VERY ditzy one. The manual we're using isn't that great, but it's interesting. I just wish I had more of a bio background.

Methods- Prof is rather vauge and undetermined to influence our decisions, seems to be wanting to be accepting of whatever choices we make and uninvolved at the same time. The general consensus among the students is one of fear and insecurity re: lack of parameters for the big ethnographic projects we'll be pumping out. I met with him today and he was rather helpful (considering his in-class attitude), so I feel somewhat better about mine...

Linguistics- Dr. Smid thrilled me today when she tied primatology into the lesson. Love that a) it all comes full-circle in Anthro and, b) Everyone I'm surrounded by ALL WEEK LONG is passionate about the stuff that I'm passionate about.




So on a very different note- still prepping for the trip to NC. B brought over the pack I'll be using so I can start planning and weighing my gear.

I've been working out as usual, but started amping things up about a month ago, even before I decided to hike the Art Loeb Trail. I'm still doing a full body weights routine rather than splitting up the lower/upper stuff like some (most??) people do. I've gone up about 15% all around in how much I'm lifting, too. Still Eating Clean too, minus a single beer yesterday at a Labor Day BBQ and minus a Subway sandwich- chicken and veggies on wheat bread, no mayo, today (forgot my food at home, doh!). The bread or chicken is giving me a bit of a stomach ache though. I haven't had bread in... oh I don't know, 2 months?? Ugh. No more.

Anyways, I do expect to find that my bf % has dropped when Megan evaluates me this week... I'm pretty excited to see where I'm at, but also pretty nervous.


I'm naturally concerned about food during the trip. I know how much protein I need for my active life (between 10 and 20 grams per meal, 5-6 meals a day) and I know I need lots of good carbs. But they HAVE to be lightweight and shelf stable too. Hmmm...

The Mission: Break All Comfortable Boundaries

In a month, I'll be heading out to Pisgah National Forest for a hiking trip that promises to obliterate all of my senses in a barrage of arboreal splendor. And don't forget knocking me out of my comfort zone!

The hike is 31 miles, mostly very steep, primitive, and I'll be packing everything in and out. To complete the hike, I have to make 10 miles per day, which would be no great concern if it wasn't for the altitude and terrain.

Thankfully, I've been getting in a lot of strength training so I feel better than I have all year.

4-non-blogs

I told you a little tiny bit about Atlanta (just the first day) and virtually nothing about the Decemberists show. Colorado, my cousin's wedding, and my birthday were completely unmentioned here.

I am just such an in the moment blogger that I'd rather tell you about how I've been awake since 7 am (unheard of for me) and BUSY. I'm listening to Blossom Dearie and Billie Holiday right now, and on a mission to clean house.

Also, we have WHO KNOWS how many watermelon babies on the way. A couple of days ago, there were four. Now it's upwards of 8!

Wednesday & Thursday- Atlanta

My cousin, Alicia, has known me since I was born, but since we're about 7 years apart, she and I didn't spend much time together. Besides, our HUGE family is just like that. There are so many of us and so spread out geographically (some of the time), and so much drama in our parent's generation that a lot of us cousins feel like we are breaking new ground.

Happy I was to learn that Alicia is a bit more high strung than I am (read: gorgeously kept condo, age appropriately trendy wardrobe, perfect figure) but really cool. We chatted music, anthropology, eating clean, and life's curve balls.

On Thursday, I did a whole lot of nothing in the early part of the day, and then in the evening, we went to the High Museum in downtown Atlanta for some local music (Hope for Agoldensummer) and a cappuccino.


Wednesday Night- The Decemberists

Alicia dropped me off in front of The Tabernacle an hour and a half early. I was going to walk around downtown a bit first and head over there when I thought the doors would be opening, but how lucky I headed in! The place was buzzing already.

I grabbed 2 pints and headed for the floor. In no time, I had scooted to the front row, just left of center. I made the acquaintance of a couple of young music ed students from Alabama and a couple of Georgia high school teachers. After a lot of standing in cramped quarters, Blind Pilot started things up. Their front-man is adorable. Consider me smitten. Oh! and he's a Gemini, like me. I'm on a Gemini kick, I think.

After Blind Pilot, I noticed Tabernacle staff bringing big stacks of fluffy clean towels out, in anticipation. It seemed like a good omen.

The whole gang of them looked absolutely grand. Jenny Conley came out first and started into the first track of Hazards of Love, while the rest of them came out. And they played the whole thing (it's a concept album with a plot), in order. Colin impressed me with his lack of attention hogging. So many other lead singers seem to want to dominate front and center, but he only did during his vocal parts, giving way to Shara Worden and Becky Stark during their parts.


And the girls were amazing. Extreme. The whole band brought so much energy to the show. And the crowd was great too.

Following Hazards, they took a break and then came out for a second set... which included a bunch of songs (Shiny, July, July, The Bachelor and the Bride, Engine Driver, Shankill Butchers, 16 Military Wives, Dracula's Daughter, O'Valencia, an insane cover of Crazy On You by Heart, Raincoat, and A Cautionary Song with some crowd-interactive improvisational theater. I mean, they got down on the floor with us and were goofing off. Crowd surfing a bit.

After the show, I waited by the buses for a bit with a small crowd to meet the band. :) Colin is as nice as you'd think. Nicer, maybe? He seemed genuinely surprised when I told him this was the best concert I had ever been to. "Really?" he asked with a smile, "That's great!" :)


Colorado, My Heart

Early on Friday, 4 am to be exact, Alicia and I headed off for the airport. Some cute guy (and about my age) with dark curly hair offered to help me hoist my duffel bag into the overhead compartment and Alicia intercepted, saying "No thanks!! She's got it." And I was going to just be all "Oh, thank you kind sir." I found out later, when we chatted a bit, that he's a CO native.

Denver is actually pretty full of attractive people. We helped my cousin get ready for his wedding (some of my cousins later did some whining about this but what ever!) and got to meet the family of his bride. And, not to mention, we got to socialize with each other. It had been at least a year since I saw some of these relatives, 3 years for the others. Uncle Marty, Danny and Cindy's dad, I hadn't seen since I was 6 or 7 years old.

The mountains and cliffs were unbelievable. The air so light and crisp you actually wanted to run around until you felt lightheaded. It was wintery and just absolutely perfect.

The wedding, utterly romantic. Their chupah was adorable and I hope their home life together is as sweet as this was for years to come. We did plenty of talking, dancing, and drinking (who could forget the antique clawfoot tub in the outdoor reception area filled with ice and bottles of wine??). I stayed up till 5 am with Rick King, Alicia, Dan, and Ave.


Sunday- On My 26th Birthday
I woke up (just a couple of hours later, at 7:30)and realized I had a potential disaster on my hands. My cousin, Irene, had left for the airport in Denver w/o me! There were about 60 people staying up there in the mountains, friends and family, but we all had different departing schedules, so we had tried to organize ourselves accordingly... but there must have been a miscommunication. I'll go ahead and assume the error was mine. Anyways, I was "2 hours" away from the airport according to those who were non-locals. It ended up being a hour and 20 minutes with one of my cousin's friends. He was headed back home to Denver and the timing was just right! Whew.

Back home, I got to hang with my kids and give Cora some birthday presents. I took the kids, my mom, and Helen out for ice cream and just marveled continuously at how much oxygen we have in our lowland air.

the one where I discuss (complain about?) dating and sex and objectification and everything personal

Woohoo! It seems that I'm wholly OUT of break up/rebound territory. Not bothered much by the ole BC any more these days. Except yesterday, when I drove past a black Jeep Cherokee and I think the driver and I made eye contact. And the driver had a square shaped head, nice lips, and black nerdy glasses. I almost threw up, but thank goodness I had to shift into 3rd and didn't have time to get all dramatic.


Anyways.
Helen and I recently noticed that single-ness becomes me. I am happy and healthy. I seem to think that I like relationships better, but when I'm actually WITH someone, I turn into a wreck; self denial, weeping when I fear it's OVER, manic happy episodes when things are good. With someone, I tend to drink too much, miss too much work, and ignore my other friends. It's awful, really.


But dating is a miserable pain in the ass. Let me tell you. I've not really jumped back into that pool yet, just texting with a few people, wetting my feet, so to speak. And you know, I wouldn't even bother, except that I really do want to believe in the whole "falling in love" thing. And if you want a dating relationship to go well, I've learned you must take it a little slower than you'd like and postpone sex until you've defined the relationship. Both of those things are NOT things I'd prefer to do (I'm terribly impulsive), that's just what I've discovered through all my, uh, research.

And I declared late last Dec, after B and I broke it off for good, that I was done done DONE with casual sex (because of the health risk, not because of the psychological implications). And then I was in a monogamous relationship again (which made me miserable) for a while, and now single and wishing I'd not said I was done with casual sex, because if I'm also not getting into a relationship, that's pretty much the same thing as saying I'm done with sex altogether. See? This is a moebius strip conundrum all the way! Argh.

Now, I want to add that my anthropologist friend (who I "have some history with") is in town, petitioning for a bit of my time, and casual is the agenda. It's not very well hidden. Actually, it's completely blatant. There never was much pretense with him. And the kinds of things he says in text are so crazy and outrageous, part of me wants to slap him. But he can back it up, let me tell you. And my brain likes the banter, anyways.

But wait, didn't I say I was DONE with all of that?

So my questions are:

are men who pursue women for sex instead of relationships OBJECTIFYING them?

is objectification actually wrong if it's consensual?

is it any more forgivable if the man is wonderful, brilliant, and considerate?

is it any better considering that I've always happily enough walked away from the affairs in the past?

what if it turns out I can't fall in love without it being a disaster, anyways?




If I can't have what you have... a hand to hold, a compadre, a partner in crime, a yang to my yin... can't I at least have the hot (knocking over lamps and chairs and tall piles of books) sex?

I think I have my faculties back (& FYI neurotoxins suck and I am officially too old for this kind of thing)

It's been a week since the neurotoxins entered my body and I'm getting back to normality. The paralysis in my right hand is a lot better, so that I can do everything (well, nearly everything) that I'm accustomed to.

During the first few days I experienced imbalance while walking, temperature regulation issues, weakness, and dehydration, but mental fogginess was the most annoying symptom of the ciguatera. I had this vague sense of deep loss and it was really depressing (depression, another supposed symptom). Having discussions with my friends, typing/using the internet, dressing myself, cooking/housework, and just any kind of making sense at all were all REALLY difficult for a few days. But we've all pitched in concerted efforts to make sure I will regain whatever part of my brain was destroyed.

Since the poisoning, I've taught myself to drive my new manual transmission car, have been going to the beach, reading a lot, exercising, and playing scrabble almost daily. If this is rehabilitation, I think I like it.

But this whole thing is sort of ironic and sad. I, of all people, champion the deliciousness of all the little creatures of the sea. I am a huge sushi fan (yes, the raw kind). Eel, squid, octopus, mussels, and conch all sound like dinner to me, every day of the week. And now I am supposed to abstain from seafood (as well as caffeine, nuts, and alcohol) for a few months, to ensure that I don't have a resurgence of cigua-terror.

But you know what I think? A life without seafood (or coffee, nuts, and liquor) is a life hardly worth living.

the berry-eaters

Dover, FL, was a success today. Mission accomplished. I'm tired, dirty, and daydreaming of how in touch with my humanity I would feel living on a farm!

In case you've never been "you-pick" berry picking, the story is that organic farmers hire field hands when their season starts. Those choice berries go to markets all over the place and then they open for "you-pick" when the general public can come in and get berries dirt cheap.

It's not easy work, since it's so hot and sunny and many of the remaining berries are small, buggy, dry, or still under ripe. But amid all of the duds are more good ones! Anthropologically, this is fascinating to me. The kids and I wandered the field and let ourselves be drawn to the right spots. My method is to let my vision blur a little as I walk and when RED and SHINY catches my eye, I drift over and focus a bit.

The sun heats the berries, which burst sweetly between your teeth. Gnats and small black ants are our cousins in the field, searching from row to row. The biggest ones seem to hide in the center of the plant, but the most flavorful ones are the ones that extend from the plant and are roasting in the afternoon light.

The berries continue to ripen throughout the season, so if I was to go next weekend, there'd be a whole new set of berries to pick. But, as it is, I have my work cut out for me... it's time to make my ruby-red preserves.

whilest I envy the married people

Many times over you've heard me say that I loved being married and that I was an excellent spouse, I just wished I'd married someone I LOVED. [Interestingly though, I didn't know how much I liked being a wife until after I'd given up my position.] And of course, I wonder IF and WHEN I will ever have the chance to be someone's wife again, under the right circumstances.


But, in contrast to other single women, there is a certain piece of the impatient puzzle that I don't have to chase. I am a mother, and I can already start looking forward to seeing my progeny out-pace me, to their burgeoning young adulthoods, and someday, to grandchildren :)


On a certain biological level, I won't have to worry about whether or not that special person will want to marry me or not, because my mission here is already underway.

un momento perfectissimo

After several days of oppressive heat, now the the air is somehow the perfect temperature. The stars were out in their finest shimmer tonight, and the night sky so honestly navy that it hurts just to see how true it is.


And earlier this evening, in conjunction with the Starry Night, I cleaned the house, so everything smells nice and tidy. We had a couple of friends over for the link up, and to drum. One of them even brought a mandolin :-)

And, to top a perfect evening off- I'm sitting here listening to La Boheme in the nearly exhausted candlelight, drinking Sleepy Time Tea, which is supposed to help me fall asleep (important, since I have to get up for school in a little while).


Anyways, the whole moment is just overwhelmingly beautiful, I had to share.


Oh, and that's not all... I did some NSF research tonight and found out just how much money has been put into Anthropology research in the past 4 years, and it's unbelievable. Millions just from the NSF. So, of course that put me in a good mood. And I'm a little bit ecstatic because I got two (glowing) letters of recommendation today (from Bill Hemme & Hilary Flower) for my packet to the Smithsonian. (!!!!!!) (Does your heart nearly beat out of your chest at that? Mine does.)

This is going to require a trip to FedEx, which I have been steadily avoiding since late last August, but I'm going to have to do it. I will keep you updated.

it upsets me, so smooth it over with homemade cheer.

I am actually going to pick up the knitting needles again.

Think I can get something done in time for seasonal gift-giving? Who knows.


---Also--- Michelle, I am intending to mail a parcel to YOU "any day now". Which means after finals.

I've been meaning to send it to you since the last week of August.


Homemade things are the order of the week; Cora and I are giving her teacher homemade dog biscuits and a letter Z ornament, Conner's teachers will get plates of cookies, my mom is getting... uh, something. Bender reads this blog every-so-often, so I won't say exactly what she's getting, but it's handcrafted by me and since we live together, I'll get to see it frequently.

On the winter solstice, we'll be here with Yuletide cheer, lighting candles, singing songs, opening gifts, and decorating our very own piece of the forest with glittery paper-chains that the kids are putting together.

Down with exclusively store-bought holidays!

Down with Kay's and Lexus and JC Penny's!

something you might not know about me

I am an extraordinary matchmaker.


Some of the people I've introduced are still together, nearly a decade later.


Anyways, I'm going to sacrifice my own interests here, and match (the adorable) Brandon Ballengee with (the eclecticly-lovely) Vaughn Bell.



Anyways, writing my big paper for art history this weekend. My chosen topic: ecology-art.

Self medicating. The Rx: one tent, some water, stars

Although life is good, I was feeling stressed out this afternoon.

It's probably because of a stupid issue that popped up with the kids' dad, normal financial problems (still waiting on this semester's Pell grant), pressure to finish a few custom diaper orders but not really feeling the drive to work on them, and just some general uncertainty.

So anyways, just now, while we were discussing living a balanced life my roommate told me a story about something that happened at the Mesa Link up last night.

To make a long story short, it was advised to someone who was dealing with some personal imbalance to make a point of getting fresh air and reconnecting with nature, each and every day. That is a very common sense thing to say, when someone needs to de-stress, but I think maybe it's SO common-sense-ical that we all tend to forget those needs sometimes.

I'm not doing badly in that department; I've been getting lot's of exercise since I got home from Colombia, and much of it has been outdoors.

Plus, a few years ago I developed a habit (that has really stuck with me) of staring at the sky or at tree branches as a way of processing extreme stress. I go to the beach (though I haven't lately) to swim and reconnect. But that all just seems like mental health maintenance.

So, as Helen told me what the shaman's advice to our friend was, I jumped out of my seat, having an epiphany.

I'm going camping. Yes, right now.

so, define "inclement"

Are we talking about lighting, gusts of wind, or just rain?

In spite of of the dark afternoon, I chanced it and did the 4.25 miles to school, and back again. The route I took this time was different, with much steeper hills, but less branches in my way... hm.

Anyways, just here, kiling time. Not preparing for an exam I have tommorrow (already? really? school just started!).

Can you believe my chem prof is in Japan, and the class gets to take an exam?

But at least I have motivation to do well in the course; field school is on the horizon, sort of. More about that another day. Ok, time to go prepare.

;-)

my mom is allergic to my particular brand of common sense

Yesterday, I mentioned to my mom how on Saturday I rode 10 miles on my distance test, and that I was very proud of myself. She said "Ok."

Then, I mentioned that I've made a commitment to myself to ride instead of drive "whenever possible", which means when I don't have to transport the children + children's gear, and when I'm not going not excessively far (about 5 miles each way was kinda easy... so I'm not sure what my upper limit is yet).

She flipped out! She is really not happy with me about this, and, like always, I wish she could understand me.

I mentioned that there is no good reason to NOT ride. I am physically capable, no excuses there. I can save money on gas. I can get my workout while I travel to work and school (saves time at the gym). It's fun. It's good for the earth, because I use less resources and put out less waste this way. And, it's empowering to know that you can do what you need to do, with the energy of your own body.


According to my mom, I should be thankful to have a car (I am, trust me!), and I should show that gratitude by not deviating from the (so called) norm.

She said if I need help paying for gas I should ask her for some extra cash. (Ok)

And that I'm a mother and it's time to act like it; time to stop always doing what I want. To me, doing a good deed now is doubly good. Children see everything.

The 'helps the earth' part pissed her off the most. Did you know there are anti-environmentalists? Yes, there are. Nothing against the 'religious right', but come on! If God made the earth, why trash it just because He can work miracles or because the end is nigh? My mom says that I should be focusing on my salvation, and not so much on "so called good deeds".

Maybe this is our biggest bone of contention, but I REALLY believe in doing things ethically, even if it inconveniences me a little (and I think I stick to my principles about 90% of the time).

If you are poor and need my coat more than I do (because I'm lucky enough to have 2 or 3), I might give it to you.

Do you need fresh air to breath? Let me see if I can do something to help out.

surges...

... are the best kinds of waves to swim in, it's true. The adrenaline rush is so tingly and you can actually get a good workout fighting against the waves and then riding them when you need a break.

Yes, I am still doing free things. I do already have a homeschoolers' annual pass to Great Explorations (a childrens museum), however it's in St. Pete and gas is not free. Heritage Village is nearby, though, and they really love it.

Oh, yeah, and last night we did watch Frida, and although the eyebrows have me freaked out, it was a really interesting film. And it was free.

But in all honesty, I am content content content... which is rare for me, right? I just feel so happy to have such great friends and family.