oh, THAT'S my password! ;)

Has life ever been better? Or busier?



My semester ended today, and Robby and I fly out in 25 days!!!!!

There's still a ton to do between now and then, but the biggest has got to be packing up and moving everything I own IN ADDITION to packing for 10 rugged Yukon weeks. Nine of which will be spent living in a tent camp with my boyfriend, how awesome is that? :)

Also, there's that and Seattle/Vancouver on the way there, and L.A. and Denver on the way home. I am soooo excited, but sort of crazy nervous right now. I'll feel better once every paper is filed with the appropriate department, everything is worked out, every box packed and moved out, and we are standing in my empty place.

gear to purchase:

quality long underwear
either a double size air mattress or thermarests and a coupler
a large enough pack
a decent waterproof jacket
new boots, the old ones are done in!
another two pairs of wool socks

up way too late

I have to go to Gasparilla in the morning, for a Visual Anthropology project. God bless me, I intend to get up at 7:30 am on a Saturday.


Anyway, I have a fun new camera to play with for this class.


I'm sure some pictures will come soon!

study groups can be really inefficient sometimes

Man. I just got home and I still have tons to do to get ready for the second round of examinations because my study group turned into a study/talk/snack session. Fun, but kind of a waste of time.

This is more for my sake (organization), than yours...

Order of Operations:

Prep for Archaeology exam (which is on Monday morning)

Finish lab HW (halfway done but two weeks worth to turn in, also due on Monday)

Transcribe interview, pull out thematic content

Prep for Ant Linguistics exam (on Tuesday)

Prep for Bio Ant exam (on Thursday)

And FYI "prep" means fix my notes w/ the online power points (all month my notes have been a wreck, spotty and insubstantial), finish the readings, and draw a bunch of phylogenies (Bio Ant).

Geez! You know I love you. (just not as much as I love anthropology)

So, I guess I left you hanging. For all you know, I was eaten by bears or decided to stay in NC or whatever.

Well, I'm back, I've just been busy. I DO have all As though (in the 2nd best Anthro Dept in the nation) and 2 of them are OVER A HUNDRED PERCENT. Yeah! That's what I mean when I say I'm going to school to kick ass.

SO I guess I need to post more about the trip (which was freaking amazing!!!). Right now I have to go catch up on reading for archaeology (tomorrow's morning class) and hopefully get my lab homework done. I'm analyzing the fossils of euprimates (fun!)... I would have had it done last night but H wanted to watch Kill Bill in the dark and I let homework go by the wayside for a few hours. I'm pretty easily convinced to take a break.

But I know that for any measure of fun and relaxation I take, I have to pay the piper :-\ and I'm off to do just that.

I will add though that this weekend I was productive in prepping clean foods for the week to keep me on track (nutritionally and financially). I made spaghetti squash spaghetti w/ a completely from scratch red sauce, a pot of chickpeas with garlic, onions, and peppers, a veggie chili with kidney beans, sauteed and diced 2 chicken breasts, steamed Asian veggies and sauteed some garlic-ginger tofu, and started a big container of ceviche.

I am so tired of my kitchen right now :p

getting closer to Pisgah

We are less than 3 weeks away!

I'm half frightened and half ecstatic.

Bought a new sleeping bag this weekend (fairly lightweight) and feeling like time is going quickly now.

My goals for the next couple of weeks are to mainly make sure I stay committed to training my body and to make sure I stay on top of school stuff. Currently, I have As in anything we've had graded work in... but so much will be known after the first round of exams... a couple of weeks yet.

In all, it was a pretty productive weekend. I got a lot of studying done and got some short but serious lifting in on Friday (only spent 25 minutes at the gym, I like to get in and out of there).

Up to my ears

At least it's anthropology and not recycling that's piled up around here!! (took the recycling to the drop off center yesterday)

Here's the update:

Archaeology- not too challenging so far. Easy in fact. I know a lot of this stuff already. I've been asking pertinent questions about the lecture material in class and Dr. Roos appears to know me and says hi when we see each other in the halls.

Bio Ant- well... I have a 100% so far on quizzes and 2 extra credit points added to the final total. Whew. John Trainor's personal research is of particular interest to me, especially now that I am eating (somewhat) differently; human diet and evolution.

Bio Ant Lab- My prof for this is such a sweetie, but she's a VERY ditzy one. The manual we're using isn't that great, but it's interesting. I just wish I had more of a bio background.

Methods- Prof is rather vauge and undetermined to influence our decisions, seems to be wanting to be accepting of whatever choices we make and uninvolved at the same time. The general consensus among the students is one of fear and insecurity re: lack of parameters for the big ethnographic projects we'll be pumping out. I met with him today and he was rather helpful (considering his in-class attitude), so I feel somewhat better about mine...

Linguistics- Dr. Smid thrilled me today when she tied primatology into the lesson. Love that a) it all comes full-circle in Anthro and, b) Everyone I'm surrounded by ALL WEEK LONG is passionate about the stuff that I'm passionate about.




So on a very different note- still prepping for the trip to NC. B brought over the pack I'll be using so I can start planning and weighing my gear.

I've been working out as usual, but started amping things up about a month ago, even before I decided to hike the Art Loeb Trail. I'm still doing a full body weights routine rather than splitting up the lower/upper stuff like some (most??) people do. I've gone up about 15% all around in how much I'm lifting, too. Still Eating Clean too, minus a single beer yesterday at a Labor Day BBQ and minus a Subway sandwich- chicken and veggies on wheat bread, no mayo, today (forgot my food at home, doh!). The bread or chicken is giving me a bit of a stomach ache though. I haven't had bread in... oh I don't know, 2 months?? Ugh. No more.

Anyways, I do expect to find that my bf % has dropped when Megan evaluates me this week... I'm pretty excited to see where I'm at, but also pretty nervous.


I'm naturally concerned about food during the trip. I know how much protein I need for my active life (between 10 and 20 grams per meal, 5-6 meals a day) and I know I need lots of good carbs. But they HAVE to be lightweight and shelf stable too. Hmmm...

mystery of mysterys... seriously

Last week, right before school started and my nerves were fraught and frayed, and on a night when my kids had woken me up a bit (not used to that anymore), and so on, I had a weird middle of the night phone call. I think it came at 4 am. Then an odd text from the same number "Sorry, my sister f---ed up".

Ok, so whoever called me accidentally

1) has my phone number saved

OR

2) has a friend with a number very similar to mine and mis-dialed

AND

has a sister.


Sorry to have put you through my initial deductive work unnecessarily but I looked at the number and wanted to smack myself. You know, you can delete a number but that doesn't mean that person will delete yours! I guess it seems like when stuff ends badly that's a given, but apparently it's not.

So, yeah. Got another mystery call last night/this morning. It's 3 am and I am in a happy place, right? And I get a call I ignore. They leave a voicemail I am unaware of until 7 am. They call back 5 min after the first call and I pick up on autopilot (BTW me on sleepy autopilot is about as funny and stupid as it gets) and he proceeds to identify himself as the friend of the owner of the recognizable phone number. A friend I was acquainted with 10 years ago.

AND THEY TRY TO MAKE PLANS WITH ME. FOR RIGHT THEN.

"Uh, I have class in Tampa, IN THE MORNING. I think maybe you have the wrong number?"

Ok, the next person who wants to call me and disturb my R.E.M. OH BOY I am going to have words with you.

And I thought B had been kinda pushing it when he called at 11 last night...

Hellooo there. Remember me?

This past week was really great and challenging...

- At the last minute before school started back up, I rearranged my bedroom, hung a white paper globe lantern, put together a bookshelf from Ikea (Yep, Justin, I ended up getting something particle board after all. Sheesh). Carried a sofa downstairs BY MYSELF and got everything 100% nice and tidy up there. If you know me, you know what a feat of heroic proportions this must have been.

- I prepared lots of Clean food, packed them in little containers (some frozen, some just refrigerated) before the week started so I could go back to school with a fully automated morning routine. Grab and go. Delicious.


- Monday morning Archaeology class was cool, and my prof looks JUST LIKE JOHNNY DEPP. It's a full class (50 students?), and lots of anthro majors in there. Many of them seem to be getting into archaeology too. Awesome to have the chance to spend time with people who share my passions.

- Parking at USF is an all out nightmare, even though I paid nearly $200 for the privilege.

- The drive there from here seems to take about an hour or so in the mornings. Parking there takes about 40 minutes. Coming home takes 40-45 minutes.


- Tuesday I had tea with B.W. in Tampa. We're going to meet up for Scrabble sometime in the next couple of weeks. He's studying for the GRE and promised to give me a run for my money.

- After that, was Methods in Cultural Research, BioAnt, and Anthro Linguistics (all Tues/Thurs classes). All of them completely magical in their own ways. Going to be a lot of reading though, upwards of 12 hours per week outside of class.

- Wednesday: Archaeology, then BioAnt Lab

- I hit up the yoga class on campus after Linguistics yesterday (Thurs) and it was awesome. Very challenging and just what I needed after being cooped up in the driver's seat all week. Then Charles, Amy, and Aves came over to my house and we drank wine, celebrated Charles' new United Nations job, and just enjoyed being together!

a few days away from all out insanity? nahhhh

"Everything will be ok, everything will be fine..." I chanted to myself as I lay huddled on the floor between the kitchen and living room.

My kids were playing upstairs, I could hear them, so I let myself just wallow for a bit, not wanting them to see me upset and knowing they would make plenty of noise coming down the stairs. At least the "everything will be ok" motivational speech was an improvement. Minutes before I was crying out that I just couldn't take it anymore.

"It" being the constant cooking and cleaning (and scrubbing, on hands and knees), over and over, with no appreciation.

First, I was making lunch. Fresh fish. My mom's recipe for red snapper; a tomato, onion, and garlic sauce. The kids had just informed me that they weren't going to eat fish (even though at the grocery store, 24 hours earlier, I asked them if they wanted some fish this week and they said YES) and then they ran upstairs to play, when I splattered red sauce all over my brand new white wrap style blouse. And then, I took to the floor, fetal-style.

Once I got up there was a blur of activity. Helen and I nearly ripped the shirt off of me as I poured ginger ale on it, and then I got out some of the spray-on stuff she has around that is miraculously formulated.

White blouse was saved.

But what about my mental health? Seriously. I'm in a bind here.

This is the situation- I have been eating mostly clean un-processed foods with the exception of some beer and a tortilla at Brian's house a few weeks ago, and a little Greek dressing on a salad I had at Ikea yesterday (origin of the dressing unknown). And this kind of eating takes more work than eating just whatever. And I honestly need to eat every 3 hours.

Planning, shopping, washing prep stuff, etc. Now, with school starting again, I have to really be on the ball, but time will be a big factor.

Now, I love my roommate, you know that. She is as important to me as my own family. And I want what's best for her, and I'd love it if she cut out fast and highly processed foods... but she's not capable of doing it for herself and I just can't do it all! I can't do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning for both of us to eat clean, and I feel terribly guilty to do it just for myself... that seems so selfish.

So I don't know what to do. Can I just lay on the floor and moan a bit more? Can I have a snack? I'm starving already.

Layin' Low

I've been getting things in order here, waiting for the (inevitable?) maelstrom that comes with a full time and then some course load.

Did I tell you that GPAs start anew when you transfer in to USF? I know!!!

I can have a 4.0 :D

I applied for a pretty decent sounding job today, but if I get it, I'll have to drop down to full time status, instead of full time plus. Which is fine. Whatever. If I get it, cool. If not, hopefully the person who does needs it more than I do.


But I'm just at home alone today, listening to music, cleaning, menu planning (healthy eating doesn't just HAPPEN. you have to make it work), and still more cleaning. No gym today. Bike ride, instead...

38 minutes

Not too bad of an evening drive, from north Tampa to my neighborhood.


Anyways, I got there bright and early (8 am). The campus is huge (I'm used to little SPC campuses), and signs for the orientation were, at best, sporadically existent.

The tone for the day was set by sorority hopefuls armed with high end accessories. I had a tall black coffee with me. We walked and walked (a mile??) to the Marshall Student Center where in a packed theater, seating several hundred, awkward presenters told us about this great new "transition" we were about to experience.

At this point, I still thought this was all kind of lame and unnecessary. Some people had brought their moms with them.

The presenters had us all stand and they sang the alma mater, which honestly gave me goosebumps. Maybe that's because the speaker told us he didn't want the first time we heard it to be at our commencement ceremony, and that just got me. I started to feel really excited.

Anyways, there were several mandatory seminars, several optional a-la-carte type presentations (I heard one all about parking info, one about the business end of school, and one about study abroad programs), then back to the big theater.

Eventually we were sorted, little by little, by college and major so that advisors could speak to us.

I was sent to see Dr. Edgar Amador, my advisor, in the anthro dept (funny how anthro depts SMELL the same all over the place), and hello! He is about 30, with wavy dark hair and eyes, and a pleasant smile. There's a road bike propped behind his desk, too.

Anyways, I was then sent across campus to the library to use a computer and pick classes. Ran into Matt Vassallo on the way, haha. Had a pain in the ass of a time picking classes because EVERYTHING IS ALREADY TAKEN. Argh! So I now have a weird patchy schedule. It's pretty much equivalent to a psoriatic dog, which is a slap in the face as far as schedules go, since I'm practically a senior.

After the first day of classes, if some kids drop, I can try to squeeze into the classes I originally wanted. "Want" is sort of the wrong word though. I only need certain classes to graduate (essentially just the upper level ANT classes), and I can't just waste time left and right with nonsense classes.

So, until further notice, I've got:

-Biological Anthropology

-Bio ANT Lab

-Spanish IV

-Geology- "From the Big Bang to the Ice Age"

-Ancient History I

getting ready for 'back to school's

The kids got some shots today, in preparation for the coming school year, and I got my paperwork saying I have, indeed, once-upon-a-time been immunized too.

I've got an full day at USF planned for Thursday- mandatory orientation, advising, etc, but I already figured out my schedule myself.

And now, I'm sitting here listening to a painful reading about frogs and tadpoles. EXCRUCIATING. I should probably go and deal with this.

the official colors of victory: range road perrywinkle and herculean green

Last night was pretty monumental. I had my trig exam, and I knew I'd gotten an A on it. I did my biology final. I passed my (completely lame) Computer Competency test.

After the exam, I trembled and spoke quickly, caffeinated out of my mind. Helen picked me up and we went to band practice, where I had a little bit of a freak out in my head. I couldn't help but feel the swell and break of the waves.

Adrenaline coursed through me, as I thought about all of those nights that were spent pouring over my books. The cramps I've gotten in my hands and neck, from note-taking or working on papers. I have cried under pressure, begged for drugs to help me get through it, and shook with relief each time a semester ended.

And last night, the sky and the leaves against it seemed to be as jubilant as I.

Maybe this is a miracle... even all the rough patches, the dropped courses, and the occasional bad grades... I am not only graduating, but WITH HONORS. The shock is still with me.

"It's like, what is this? The Love Connection at 5:30 with Travis Short?"

Many funny things were said during study time today. That one (above) has got to take the cake, and I wish it'd been me that came up with that quip.

See, there are these two people in the front row, directly in front of me and to the left a bit, that have this nutty chemistry. They're always, like, poking each other with pencils and someone today said he's picked her up before to crack her back (???) and they just have this... vibe. It's hilarious, really, except they are both seeing other people, somewhat lackadaisically. I pretty much put money down that they get it together at the midnight hour, and go out after our final Tuesday night. Unlike Madonna in that movie where she's on a deserted island with her one true love?

I don't know, I've never seen that movie. I'm just talking.

I did, however, watch I'll Never Be Your Woman and Knocked Up over the past few days (due to cutie Paul Rudd being in them both).

no, THIS feels like falling

I am barely verbally coherent. Bare with me. Bear with me.


Around 3 o clock, an allergic reaction of some sort popped up while I was at work. I ran upstairs and rummaged through a medicine cabinet for a bit, popped a couple of Benadryls and went back to sorting papers.

Then in Trig class tonight, Mr Short;s voice got really loud and the room wavered ever so slightly. My stomach roiled. My blood pumped furiously (couldn't everyone hear it??).

I had a few panic attacks (not out o the ordinary, but unexpected since I do feel really at home in there) while he was discussing our tests from Tuesday night. I did get #32 wrong (didn't carry a negative sign while multiplying something) but he curved us 3 points so I still got a 100% on the test... and a couple of p attacks. Go figure.


Anyways, sick to my stomach and wondering when this crazy feeling will stop. I want some hot food but can't be trusted to cook right now. I clearly need pizza.

and it felt like falling

I walk into Trig and am greeted by HotTrigGuy standing and throwing his hands up in the air and saying "SuperStar's here!" and since I'm sometimes bad with compliments (esp when I want to neatly fade into the background) and brush it off with a "Ah, whatever.." and a smile.

I get settled in and help the student next to me who speaks predominantly Spanish, and then I try to study, but my cheeks are still hot from the loud compliment.

Travis puts the exams at the front of the room and a line of students form there, each turning in homework and picking up a test, like lambs to slaughter.

The time passes as I fidget, I scribble, I erase, feverishly working. HotTrigGuy waits for me after class so we can compare notes on the test, as we've become accustomed to doing. I say aloud that it was the hardest test yet, but that I think I did well.

fortune cookies

Hullo, just sitting here at work but I wanted to share this with you. I just got the most appropos fortune in my cookie:


"It's not the plan that is important, it's the planning"


That's EXACTLY right on for today. My fb status is all "serious choices, blah blah" today, too.

Oh, and the other side of my fortune told me how to say 'watermelon' in chinese and I WAS LITERALLY EATING WATERMELON right then. I wish I was eating chinese food, but hey. Poor planning, I guess?

the feminists lied to me

There's been a recent surge of affirmative action in family courts leading to fathers being given custody and support more frequently, but at the same time, traditional values are still holding sway (at least here, in this culture) which relegate mothers to packing lunches, folding underwear, and other intellectually stimulating endeavors instead of furthering their own careers.

I am feeling really irate because the last 4 years of my life were spent doing both- toiling over my books and exams and enriching my children's lives while living on a meager income. All the while, trying to get good enough grades. I've made it to the end of the road.

I'm graduating. And there is no celebration, only deep blackness.


To be hire-able in my field, I'll need my MA. I don't intend to work in FL, so getting my MA here in field ANT makes about as much sense as trying to get a job with Bear Stearns. As a concession to my family's needs, I'm pursuing finishing my BA here in FL, but apparently that's not enough.

I have to choose between doing this AT ALL or NOT AT ALL. And I'm not very happy about that. Harry's calling all the shots right now, and I think he kind of loves that all my work has been for naught.

Should I even bother, or should I just give in to what he wants?
Should I just pack up and leave?
Should I just get a job in a restaurant and have nothing for the rest of my life?

I'd have my kids, sort of. I mean, isn't that how our culture defines a woman, as a mother?

an email from Dr. Worth

So, the field school in Pensacola is not going to work out for me this year. It's been a bit of a blow to me, and a reminder that when you have a timetable, you damn well better stick to it! [in the fall, I knew I could graduate and go on to university to get to work on my upper level anthro courses if I got an A or a B in my math class, but instead I didn't do well enough in Dr. Geiger's trig class and had to stay at SPC for the spring, to finish up. Therefore, I didn't get my upper level pre-req's done before the summer semester.]

Field school there was my plan B anyhow, but I liked having a solid plan B. Plan A is really more of a pipe dream. When I first brought it up, I asked my friend, John Krebs III, if he believed in praying. And then a moment later, if he would say a prayer for me. His answer was yes, but that he advocates expecting the worst, so you can be pleasantly surprised when you are wrong, but I'm having a hard time with that.

But, I've applied to UWF and they genuinely sound like they want me, but it's not official yet. I applied to FSU, too, but I'm cranky with them for a few reasons, and might not really consider going there if accepted, even though 3 weeks ago, I really did want to.

Instead, I've been house hunting in P'cola, via craigslist. And I can really see in my mind's eye my things packed up and in the back of a small U haul truck. I can see my new home (away from home??), my residence for this new phase of life that is unfurling like young leaves. I see a brick house with a bay window and a backyard. I think I'll buy a used piano, since we've grown used to having one around. How apt, to be finding a way for new beginnings when springtime is hitting us full force here.

I won't be settling in until right before the fall semester starts, though. And it will be a bittersweet move, since the kids will stay here for the first semester I'm away. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself; I still have the uncertainties of summer to deal with.

of course, it WOULD rain cats and dogs on hobo-Tuesday

On Tuesdays, I usually feel compelled to stay on campus, because getting home and getting back there again more often than not makes me late for my evening class, and I usually only get a half hour at home for all that effort anyway.


One important part of hobo-Tuesday is the sleeping in a public place, since I invariably am subsisting on about 3 hours and it isn't fun. I prefer napping under an oak on the grassy lawn in the center of the campus, but I'll settle for the upstairs lobby of the Math & Science building, I guess. But maybe I should edit hobo-Tuesday so that it revolves around pies stolen off window sills or flasks of gin?? I think I am onto something here.


Anyways, I know all this rain is good for us; we've had some serious drought-age here in Pinellas County. Tampa has OUTLAWED watering yards unless you have reclaimed water. We've been importing water for our municipalities, home to over a million people. Which is ironic, because everywhere you look is water.

Our garden plants will be delighted, I know.