an email from Dr. Worth

So, the field school in Pensacola is not going to work out for me this year. It's been a bit of a blow to me, and a reminder that when you have a timetable, you damn well better stick to it! [in the fall, I knew I could graduate and go on to university to get to work on my upper level anthro courses if I got an A or a B in my math class, but instead I didn't do well enough in Dr. Geiger's trig class and had to stay at SPC for the spring, to finish up. Therefore, I didn't get my upper level pre-req's done before the summer semester.]

Field school there was my plan B anyhow, but I liked having a solid plan B. Plan A is really more of a pipe dream. When I first brought it up, I asked my friend, John Krebs III, if he believed in praying. And then a moment later, if he would say a prayer for me. His answer was yes, but that he advocates expecting the worst, so you can be pleasantly surprised when you are wrong, but I'm having a hard time with that.

But, I've applied to UWF and they genuinely sound like they want me, but it's not official yet. I applied to FSU, too, but I'm cranky with them for a few reasons, and might not really consider going there if accepted, even though 3 weeks ago, I really did want to.

Instead, I've been house hunting in P'cola, via craigslist. And I can really see in my mind's eye my things packed up and in the back of a small U haul truck. I can see my new home (away from home??), my residence for this new phase of life that is unfurling like young leaves. I see a brick house with a bay window and a backyard. I think I'll buy a used piano, since we've grown used to having one around. How apt, to be finding a way for new beginnings when springtime is hitting us full force here.

I won't be settling in until right before the fall semester starts, though. And it will be a bittersweet move, since the kids will stay here for the first semester I'm away. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself; I still have the uncertainties of summer to deal with.

the berry-eaters

Dover, FL, was a success today. Mission accomplished. I'm tired, dirty, and daydreaming of how in touch with my humanity I would feel living on a farm!

In case you've never been "you-pick" berry picking, the story is that organic farmers hire field hands when their season starts. Those choice berries go to markets all over the place and then they open for "you-pick" when the general public can come in and get berries dirt cheap.

It's not easy work, since it's so hot and sunny and many of the remaining berries are small, buggy, dry, or still under ripe. But amid all of the duds are more good ones! Anthropologically, this is fascinating to me. The kids and I wandered the field and let ourselves be drawn to the right spots. My method is to let my vision blur a little as I walk and when RED and SHINY catches my eye, I drift over and focus a bit.

The sun heats the berries, which burst sweetly between your teeth. Gnats and small black ants are our cousins in the field, searching from row to row. The biggest ones seem to hide in the center of the plant, but the most flavorful ones are the ones that extend from the plant and are roasting in the afternoon light.

The berries continue to ripen throughout the season, so if I was to go next weekend, there'd be a whole new set of berries to pick. But, as it is, I have my work cut out for me... it's time to make my ruby-red preserves.

bouyancy, troughs, and crests

Did I tell you that I think the worst has passed? [NEVER MIND- I just looked at his facebook page and he's now "single" (lol, what, by default? since he never faced up to the break up??!!!!!!) and I hadn't realized that this would cut me to the quick... why doesn't he just go and delete me as a friend? why don't I?]

Which doesn't mean that there won't be low points. For example, last night I sat on the front steps and earnestly wished for a black wool pea coat, 4 sizes too big, being laid across my shoulders.

But Thursday was so phenomenal I started to think that just maybe I really would be moving on (and truly better off for it) when rolling waves of pity for him hit my shores.

Pity, because his problems are not the kind you can sort out in one introspective week. Because he will move on and find himself with someone else (someone better than me?) and he will ruin it again, because his problems are so huge and he hasn't the motivation to better himself. It's sad, really.

And every little daydream glimpse I've had of moving on partners me with someone who is actively living and pursuing betterment. I feel ashamed that my happy vision for myself doesn't revolve around self reliance and singleness, I think that would be stoic and wonderful of me, though.


So, onto other news:

I moved one batch of watermelon seedlings into a big pot, where I might try to keep them, to see if they will bear fruit there. The two small pots of Mesclun sprouts are being split today, each small pot of veritably overgrown. The cilantro and spearmint haven't shown yet.

The kids and I are going to Cora's school for a PTA carnival (today) and strawberry picking (probably tomorrow). Then time for making preserves!!!! Wooo!

bona fide day off work

My plans are all things a car-less person can do... but I intend to have a really great day off. No way am I staying in and folding laundry or doing homework or something.

No, I am going to the beach in a bit. I've got spf 70 for the back tattoo, however the rest of me could use a little sun glow. Really, this is the sort of day when I KNOW how lucky I am to live here. At the drop of a hat I can go sink myself in white sand (and shells) with a book in hand and hopefully a jack and ginger tucked in my tote bag, and while away the day.

Other things on the agenda; take bike to bike shop (not looking forward to this errand, but last chance to do this before Monday), hopefully go to the gym (they also have normal hours today, woo), and then maybe I will get to that laundry folding and homework after all, since tomorrow I'll be headed to a cookout/birthday party for my cousin in law. Chad Greene- all these years you've been at all our keg parties and birthday parties and what not, partying with the best of 'em, but cheers to you! Happy 21st!!

some thoughts

- Trampolines are good clean fun.


- My Grecian sandals are in a sorry state now, seeing as that I BROKE them on the trampoline (2 footwear fatalities in one week now, betwixt Billy and I).


- My back really hurts from moving a stone bench with Lloyd (damn you, stone bench), and I've got numerous bruises and whatnot. Some of them seem to be from Wednesday night, however I have no idea what caused them.


- The Mr. didn't go jumping with us last night, which was fine with me. I took it in stride; nothing personal. But we are scheming for Fort De Soto for Sunday, and I want (need?) him to materialize for that. Plus, I want to tell him about my sandals, and about Mike and Amy making out, and about all this fairly boring stuff.


- So, to that end, I am going to go write a paper. So that I can be free for beach time fun tomorrow!

I want to have a sexy dance party/sock hop

One where everyone contributes a song or two to the playlist (prob ahead of time), one with drinks, and wild times, and where a bunch of my friends who have never met can finally hangout together.

We can have a twist contest and black lights in the living room. There can be a prize for most the rockin dance, too.


What do you think, would you come? (It would be in a few weeks, btw)

facebook drama with grown ups (rolling eyes)

I put my foot in my mouth frequently, it seems.

And when I do it online, it's so much less... savory.

community news

For the past couple of weeks, my job has been dragging. It takes the wind out of my sails to not be needed, to not be woefully busy. Of course, the irony here is that as we approach final exams (still many weeks away!), both my courses AND office workload pick up speed at a pretty fast clip.

But who wants to go to work each day at a job that essentially means nothing to the world?* But I set the bar kinda high; I want to be busy with something that makes the world a better brighter place, that I find physically and mentally stimulating, and that gives me that chance to study human interactions and aspirations.

So, anyway- one moment, I was at "work", reading blogs and logged into facebook in another window (I told you, I like to multitask), when something great happened. I came across a link Amy posted on our gardening blog regarding community togetherness here in our corner of the world. Before I knew it, I was on the phone, networking a bit, and letting these people know about the Really Really Free Market, where I think they could promote memberships in their garden. I still plan on getting something similar underway in my neighborhood, so this is awesome to me. There's a meeting for Green Florida going on next Wednesday that I'm going to try to attend.


Things are considerably better in mental-health-land, since that last post. I've been doing things that make me feel really human and all around good.

-That night, I texted with Billy a bit about my great day and the wierd feeling of deep dissatisfaction that accompanied it. He made me smile a bit, I made him laugh a bit, and the consensus was that these feelings are sometimes part of the fate of mankind. No biggie.

-Helen, Billy, and I went to the drum circle night at the Dunedin Brewery last night. In a crowd of other humans, hands and bodies in motion, I felt very connected.

-Then back at home, we made music ourselves into the wee-est hours. We had everything set up all over the livingroom; a couple of mikes, a couple of mixing boards, instruments, and voices. And then my awesome bf made me a middle of the night egg/breakfast sausage sandwich that was out of this world.


The next week and a half has lots of good stuff in store, too. Another exam tomorrow morning, sewing diapers for the RRFM, plans to visit with Chrissy (Bill's twin) and her cub, going to another drum circle with Amy and Baby Avery, hopefully buying a new car, going to a birthday BBQ at Chris and Summer's, Spring Break for college students (though I will be at work a bit during the break), a garden-meeting for Green Florida , and the the RRFM. Whew.



*I think part of my mood in my last post was related to this feeling.