I wish I knew what to tell you

My beach day was great, but my errand in that part of town had another purpose that I kept to myself...

I was going to go and make the End official.


And ending it is something I really don't want, which makes my decision feel silly, but I can't live like this ("this" being sleepless, with my stomach in knots, pulse racing, and generally distraught) either.

I don't know if you remember, but several months ago I said boldly that, from then on out, I whould avoid dating someone I really like, because that's more troublesome. If you only get involved with people you don't really care about, worst case scenario, you're TRULY better off without them.

Anyways, there was no closure. I arrived, I knocked, there was no answer, so I put 2 of his cds on the doorstep and crossed the street to sun and swim and have a wonderful afternoon. A couple of hours later, I returned, knocked, and again there was no answer. Which, basically, was my answer. I think?


I really have no idea. Part of me thinks he's depressed, wants to be alone, etc and this has nothing to do with me. The other part of me thinks he doesn't like me and that this is his lazy-man way of handling a break up.