Sunday, April 26, 2009

the feminists lied to me

There's been a recent surge of affirmative action in family courts leading to fathers being given custody and support more frequently, but at the same time, traditional values are still holding sway (at least here, in this culture) which relegate mothers to packing lunches, folding underwear, and other intellectually stimulating endeavors instead of furthering their own careers.

I am feeling really irate because the last 4 years of my life were spent doing both- toiling over my books and exams and enriching my children's lives while living on a meager income. All the while, trying to get good enough grades. I've made it to the end of the road.

I'm graduating. And there is no celebration, only deep blackness.

To be hire-able in my field, I'll need my MA. I don't intend to work in FL, so getting my MA here in field ANT makes about as much sense as trying to get a job with Bear Stearns. As a concession to my family's needs, I'm pursuing finishing my BA here in FL, but apparently that's not enough.

I have to choose between doing this AT ALL or NOT AT ALL. And I'm not very happy about that. Harry's calling all the shots right now, and I think he kind of loves that all my work has been for naught.

Should I even bother, or should I just give in to what he wants?
Should I just pack up and leave?
Should I just get a job in a restaurant and have nothing for the rest of my life?

I'd have my kids, sort of. I mean, isn't that how our culture defines a woman, as a mother?


Anonymous said...

A degree shows dedication towards a goal. This has value, regardless of whether you continue in anthropology or not.

There are many careers out there that will respect your degree, some are directly related to anthropology, most aren't. The best advice I could give to you is to keep an open mind.

You'll find your way.

Gladis said...

Thanks for the input. Re-reading my post, I see places where I can be more open minded...

I don't HAVE to choose to see this as an all or nothing situation, either way.

I can try to do this from here if need be. My future job might not be what I originally wanted this to lead to, but I might not end up just washing dishes at The Cracker Barrel (into eternity), after all.

AND I remembered late this evening that I do still have the option to take this to court and fight his stance, which might allow me to keep both my family and my career plan.

I just didn't want it to get nasty. Which is why I often bring up meeting with a mediator, but so far, it's not happening.

Anonymous said...

In Florida, custody is awarded to the mother the majority of the time. You certainly have bargaining chips.

You are attempting to better yourself, to better your life. In this process, you will be bettering the lives of your children. As far as the courts go, a mother attempting to get her education so she can get a better job will be a difficult thing to trump. How is Harry bettering his situation, in a way that the courts could see?

I guess my point is that Harry doesn't have to be the one in power. Once you finish your BA, you will have the power. Most likely, you will be able to get a better paying job, you will be able to better care for your kids, and on paper, you will look like a much better parent.

Stay the course, you will succeed. :-)

Harry certainly deserves to be part of his kids' lives, but he also needs to give you the opportunity that you need to better provide for your kids. It's in his interest both as a father and as someone who pays child support. Once you earn more money, you will be able to better provide for your kids, and he will not need to pay child support anymore. It sounds like a win-win in his book, although, he would need to be willing to make some short-term sacrifices for the long-term welfare of his children.

Gladis said...

yeaaah... He's not paying child support. He stopped about 9 weeks ago :(

Anonymous said...

Well, that would be a black mark for him, and a rather nasty one at that.

Gladis said...

No... he has no legal obligation to pay a single dime.