I feel like a dork about this

So, Mr. C and I have had some nice heart to heart talks about life/relationships/thoughts/the future/etc.

And, we've seen each other about 5 times as much as Helen and Sam have in the past two weeks.

And, he spent both Fri and Sat night here.

And our time together is very nice, I'd say.


But I'm freaking out right now. It's totally stupid but I can't stop feeling like it was all a misunderstanding, a mistake. I don't know WHY he's interested. It doesn't make sense.


Hey- did you know I married my ex when I was 20 years old, I did it because I was certain (100% certain) that no other man could possibly EVER be attracted to me. So I married him, because I figured "What the hell, this is my only chance."

And when I split from Harry, it was with full knowledge that I might never be with someone again as long as I lived. WHY am I so dramatic about this stuff?? Clearly I have been with people since I left him, and on a purely physical, 'no attachments' level I get it. I understand. All humans have physical needs.

But Mr. C has been talking the (monogamy) talk and walking (very close to) the (L-word) walk. So, why am I afraid that it's over because he's been MIA by phone for just a handful of hours?

Well, we had plans to go to Chris and Sum's for a BBQ this evening and he was all into it. And then he left here to go home and take a shower around noon, intending to come back after which we'd head to party with my friends. Instead I got a text that said I should head over there, and he'd probably meet me there. Then a little while later, another that said "Talking to dad important".

My friend Ryan's gf just broke up with him last night, BY TEXT.

That's not what's happening here, is it?